Day 327: Pill to swallow

The hardest pill to swallow is that sometimes, you are the toxic person. You are the one sabotaging every healthy relationship you have and you cannot blame your bad habits, bad relationships or the things you went through because you know all along that it is you. You are the only person responsible for your actions and you have no one to blame for them. Your parents raise you to who you are then but who you are now is all you. Blaming alcohol or the people around you for your actions does not make the sin you did any less worse. It is all YOU, every mistake and every horrible thing you've done, every person you hurt and every bridges you burnt is all you.

You cannot keep doing bad things and keep feeling bad about yourself. That's not okay, you need to work on yourself rather than finding someone at fault. Victimizing yourself cannot heal the people that you broke. Words you've said and hearts you broke will forever stay that way no matter how many times you say sorry. 

Worst things worst, you don't get any closure. You live your entire life with the burden no matter how much you deny or silence the voices in your head. You have to live with the sins you did and that is that. 

You will always be that optical illusion where at first sight you make no sense, but when you blink many times, you learn to see the beauty of it. The thing is... their eyes will get tired someday. 

All the lies and illusion in the world will never erase the things you did in the past. You need to be a better person rather than justifying those acts. Sometimes, we are not the hero in our own story, we are just the main character.