Day 350: Fixer

Someone told me once, "don't date broken people" and I questioned that logic and tried to neglect it. It seemed harsh and cruel not to give those broken souls a chance to love again. Maybe I can offer them what others have forsaken them to. Leaving them just like that is cruel. They deserve the love they gave and return to their old self where they can love again. "If someone needs love, its them" I said so myself. And boy, I have never been wrong and broken at the same time.

Then I met someone, she was a mess of all sorts. Been cheated to, lied and all sorts of wrong one could receive. Falling in love with her is the easy part, making her love me is the hard part. I was pushed away multiple times, for broken people pushes you away not because they don't want you (though that may be a case) but broken people push you away because they were cynical of love in the first place. The fear of being broken more pushes more makes them pushed away even more. Somewhere between the lines you just give up, as I gave up entirely. Because the line between persistence and annoyance is paper thin.

But there will come a time when you finally 'win' their heart but it will never feel like that. There will be paranoia and suspicions everytime. It is difficult because being a human being, you have your limits to. But you still love that someone with everything. Giving all you have since you have this pressing thought that they need to be fixed. And when time comes, you realize that you are no longer a partner or a lover, you are merely a fixer.

The thing is, broken people break people. The wounded can still hurt and even kill. If you love them out of pity or you wish to act as their therapist then be their friend instead. Because loving them takes too much toll on yourself that filling their needs drain what you have. Then at this point you realize that love is not a factor in staying. Because when people get tired they contemplate on that thought.

Then you realize that they will break you too. Fixing them breaks you in the process. Now I understand why they said "don't date broken people" Because loving them with all your heart is never enough because when you finally "fixed" them, they leave. Leaving you broken than they were when you met them. So in the process of fixing them, you became the broken one yourself.