Day 52: For you

Being self-conscious and strong at the same time

is a deadly combination

People expect you to do this 

and that for them and

they expect you to accept their

shower of bullshit every time

which you simply smile and laugh

through everything 

but deep inside you know,

it's eating you alive

The downfall of being intelligent

or in vague term; academically intelligent

is that people expect you to be the best everytime

You, yes you, are expected to rise every time you fall

To shake off the dirt 

and to wipe off the blood on your shirt

They expect you to stand 

when in reality, you prefer being down

but being down is painful,

as people will step on you

it's either you became a rag or 

an emotionless robot expected to 

do favor for them every single time

You want to cut them

yes! you want to cut yourself from the world

but you can't 

because there is someone deep inside you

so eager to impress 

so desperate for acceptance that

being used will barely be noticeable

A part of you will love them

a part of you will fear them

and a part of you will crave for them

at the end of the day we just want people

to leave us alone 

but at the same time 

never leave us out

you tried to cut yourself

from the world which hurt you

but boy, did that go well

they condemned you, yes!

even those you respected!

staying away from trouble 

only leads to trouble,

yeah, this sucks

you want to be saved but you won't be

for the reason that you already saved them

you're not needed anymore

So in the end, after everyone you helped

and everyone you picked up

They will stare at you 

"Come and watch the chubby boy

with mental health declines and laugh 

as he attempts to help everyone but himself"

In the end of the day you can only smile

and accept that you're as good as you can be useful

Acceptance will be the only thing

we will never stop chasing in this lifetime

I just hope you handle them

even after everything