Day 212: Still

I still whisper your name in my pillow

and I still wish for your voice which is mellow

still a hopeless fellow

in love, you are all still I know

I still retrace my steps to the day

where I first your face

even weather never made me sway

the thought of you still make my heart race

Day 211: Familiar

Seeing a person after a long time

gives you an uneasy feeling

every flow of memory reverts

and every single pain returns

as if everything you bury deep

is now coming back to the surface

like you have committed a crime

and you feel like on a cliff so steep

that your hearts continue to race

a familiar scent will come in the room

and suddenly you feel all gloom

because all is in that scent

is another pain in your chest

looking at her you feel remorse

as if meeting her is a curse

you loved her once before

but now you cannot do anything anymore

you think of things to say

or pray that she will come your way

as the million thoughts bug your head

as if the thing you broke, you now wish mend

but now it's time to say good bye

when you learn

she won't even bother to say hi

Day 210: Last words

The fragility of human life is fascinating

as in one snap, all could be disappearing

every perfect moment could be fleeting

and a whole life, vanishing

when everything is lost,

what are you for the moment

you can only cling to the past

and eternally repent

a bleeding heart is all you have

and a memory is what you are

feeling like you lost a half

leaving just a tattooed scar

if the moment arrives

and before you lose your life

in the last moments that you will be

what are your last words will be

Day 209: Ang hirap pala

ang hirap pala...
na ikaw ang nasa isip ko sa tuwina
na ikaw ang hinahanap ng sa gilid ng mata
na ikaw ang laman ng aking bawat tula
na ikaw ang sanhi ng aking mga tawa
na ikaw ang sanhi ng luha sa mata
na ikaw ang dahilan kaya ako nasasaktan
na ikaw ang dahilan kaya ako umaasa
na ikaw ang dahilan kaya handa ako masaktan
na ikaw ang bumubuo ng araw ko
na ikaw ang dumudurog ng puso ko
na ikaw ang bituin sa langit
na ikaw ang sanhi ng bawat sakit
na ikaw ang laman ng bawat kanta
na ikaw ang pinagaalayan ko ng itong tula
ang hirap pala...

Day 208: Acceptance

there are things in life
where you just have to accept the fact
that nothing can be done
and you have to move on
you can't turn a no into a yes
and you cannot change someone's mind
the tide of life will always turn
and you have to go along with it
you will have to accept that it's just that
there's no extra challenge
or even a basic test
sometimes the biggest challenge there is
is accepting that you have to give up
and throwing away every fantasy you have
and burning all the memories you had
sometimes, it's just not worth it
stop taking them as challenges and move on
move on with your life
not every opportunity is to be taken
as well as not every offered food
is to be eaten
time will come where the best thing to do
is lie down and watch the stars
because you don't have to be a fighter everyday
sometimes your soul requires rest
so stop taking the extra mile
and start loving yourself
never try turning a no into a yes
for your own integrity and self respect
and respect for others too
because sometimes you have to suck it up
that you are beaten
just make sure that after you've been down
rise up and try things
in another field or view

Day 207: Unrequited Love

People think that this is cute

as you give more than what you take

but I advice you to take another route

as for yourself and pride's sake

outside you will think this is normal

but inside you realize how cruel

your treatment to yourself is

that you will choose someone like that

even in times of crisis

you will cross oceans for a person

who would leave you for no reason

you will feel every negative emotion

yet you cannot voice out

and your head will be filled with questions

you are figuratively killing yourself

for someone who may be in love with someone else

one sided love may seem romantic in movies

but in life it is never worth it

Day 206: Ayoko

Kung hindi ikaw, ayoko na muna

Ayoko na muna magmahal ng iba

ayoko muna makakita 

ng kagandahan ng iba

o kaya kung gaano sila kapambihira

at kung gaano sila magiging mahalaga

basta inayawan mo ko sa simula 

kaya kung usapang pag-ibig, ayoko muna

gusto ko muna malimot ka

at kung gaano kaganda

ang iyong ngiti at mga mata

kalilimutan ko muna

kung paano mo ko napapasaya

sa mga araw na ako ay papasuko na

kung paano mo ko napapangiti kahit na

wala kang alam sa iyong nagagawa

dahil nakakainis isipin na

na kahit anong gawin kong tama

ang tingin mo sakin ay hindi hihigit na

sapagkat ako ay kaibigan lang talaga

kaya ayako na muna

umibig ng kahit sino pa

hayaan ko muna 

na ikaw ay makalimutan na

Day 205: Adrian

Disasters came and still he stand

and flows in pace that he wants

never a disaster came

in which his flow has turned

a lot of junk has been thrown

but the river remains flowing

the blue has been tainted for long

but river will keep on going

many tried to dip in this river

but they all moved on afterwards

they cannot handle the constant

changing of pressure and temperature

but I guess this river will flow to the ocean

and no water will be there the same

or maybe some will come back

but the river is at it is

limitless and constant

this river will always flow

Day 204: Timing

Chemistry always come in

as history is set aside

I never saw how crucial is timing

until I have to leave you behind

I was in the process of healing

when you came into my life

I was trying to clot the bleeding

but you were already there to find

In brief of time you fascinated me

with your eyes and you elegance

every second with you feels a trance

but I had to flee for opportunity

I could handle a million rejections

but I had to give up after one

you see me as a friend, I understand

I guess love will never always go to fruition

I could pursue you forever

but not in the moment today

I still have my dreams to become a lawyer

and I will let nothing get in that way

In time I would like to try again

and wish your heart was mine to gain

for today I am still falling into pieces

and I have nothing to go but places

In perfect timing, if you're the one

I shall wait to make a run

and after eveyrthing I will be going through

I would like to pursue you

Day 203: Feeling of rejection

You just have to get use to it
the rushing blood in your veins
and the harder beating of your heart
with all the love in you is rinsed
as your head nods is disagreement
and your eyes carves resentment
your hands are shaking
as your feet are trembling
it feels like bleeding
but it's inside where it's hurting
succumbing to the emotion of grief
as you find a painful relief
you swallow three times
as your tears blinded your eyes
you try to speak but your tongue tied
as if now word would come out even if you try
crying becomes a resort
as you will seek bawling as comfort
but right in front of the girl
your mind begins to twirl
when she she reject the feelings you offered
and every fantasy you have is shattered

Day 202: Friend

When I look at you,
I see my future and my grace
someone who I want to be with
someone who in no matter the situation
and whatever the complication
I would still love despite those repercussions
someone I will not tolerate
but will actually appreciate
along every step of the way
with your words as my comfort
and your sight as my last resort
someone I would cross an ocean
or even a climb a mountain for
I'd bite a bullet for
and even to die for
I see my future within you
smiling and playing cards in the front porch

but when you look at me?

you see a friend.

Day 201: Help.

It's as if a demon was planted in my head

and a voice keep whispering, wishing me dead

do you know have any idea how it feels?

of being sad for no reason, feeling your heart drilled

you want to cry but you tears won't comply

feeling that you are such an unpleasant sight

when you make an effort you always fall short

and you cannot have something more

it's like your worth is only defined

on what usefulness on you they can find

the moment you screw up or turn

they will simply throw you off the curb

I guess people are too concerned on being right

rather than doing what is right

because who can I cry for help

when you insist that it's all in my head

because we don't need piece of shot advices

we don't need wise words from the bible or where else

we just need someone who listens and understand

Day 200: 200th

Drops of blood became my ink

in time time my mind refuse to think

my mind sometimes fail to conceive

because the heart refuse to believe

poems have said what I refuse to say

and put my black and white to gray

in time your emotions are on control

in every word you wrote instead of growl

I feel like my writing is the same

as it is an instrument to keep me sane

in the days my pain is felt

this is my cry for help

two hundred works from my start

I still stay with my heart apart

Did I never grow as a writer?

or even grow as a person?

I guess life never gets easier

it always have to be hard for a reason

I guess in face of all rejection

you never really stand up

someday all of this will come in to fruition

so you just have to keep your face up

because you will be okay someday

but not today

Day 199: Understand

He wants to pursue her 

and he's not the type who says that lightly

he is the type who plays it safe every time

who in every quarrel

turns back not to be involved

he once sought love as a wonderful thing

but he was reduced to a mere coward

a soldier in warshock

who is so afraid in rejection

he'd rather dream and be trapped

in his own little fantasy

rather than taking a step forward 

and risking eveything he has

but meeting her in such a short time

he noticed every curves and imperfections

how he saw a flawed masterpiece

and fell in love with it

so when he said that he was in love

he was saying that he wants to risk once more

that to her everything is wonderful

yet a mystery to be uncovered

he wants to know her

her fears, aspirations and dreams

he is truly, hopelessly, irretrievably

in love with her

more than she knows

and more than he understand

Day 198: When I look at you

When I look at you

I don't only see a girl

showered with petals of beauty

embraced by butterflies in the sky

or a fair maiden close to goddess

and as if the greatest sculpture was built

You are perfection and perfection is you

I guess looking at you 

feels great for my eyes

but it was never limited

to what I see on more of you

When I look at you

my world stops and fast forward

as if every past and future

collides on the present moment

Call me hopeless romantic 

but I see every potential in you

I look not only on the most beautiful woman

I have ever seen in my life 

but also to a woman I wish by my side

I'm a piece of mess 

I know I suck but with you

I suck less

before you I was only a guy

who was just passing by

and waiting for the days go by

praying for summer vacation

or waiting for class suspension

but meeting you made me want to

enjoy every moment I have

and every second I have in this lifetime

So when I look at you
I don't see just a girl I like

I see someone who gets me through the day

and someone I look forward to

I don't only see a pretty girl 

I see mu future and my strength

Day 197: I wish I met you sooner

I wish I met you sooner

before we were convinced 

that life is war

and people are just bags of tricks

we only get one chance to love

with our hearts still whole

unfortunately, we are not those souls

we are damaged beyond repair

even with the limited time

that I have known you in my life

I can see it in your eyes

that you have your fair share of pain

but being broken and bruise

is not an excuse

As I will try to love you

with each remaining fragment of my heart

Day 196: If

If I have a star from the sky 

every time I thought of you

then the entire night sky

would be at the palm of my hand

If you could cross my mind

and wonder how many time

the answer is one

as you have never left

If your smile radiates light

for the world to enjoy

then the entire earth

would be blindingly bright

If I could make you laugh

everytime I make a fool out of myself

I would rather walk this earth a fool

rather than not hearing you laugh

If I I could use every letter in the alphabet

and use them to conjure words 

into poetries for you

not a single work of mine

is worthy of you

If I could describe you with a word

It would be beautiful

but this word cannot define you

as it is far too inferior

I guess beautiful is the closest term

that could encapsulate how amazing you are

as a human being

Day 195: Heavy

With a heavy heart and shaking knees
trembling lips and held back tears
pounding chest and clenched fists
I turn back on something I will surely miss

I'm chasing my dreams with a price
where to the ranks I'll rise
but with the price of family
and eternal friendship

I guess chasing dreams
always requires a sacrifice
I guess your mind will never understand
what the heart truly desires

Day 194: BS Psychology 1-1

Binuo niyo ang tatlong linggo ng buhay ko
na hiniling ko na sana hanggang apat na taon na to
ngunit tumawag ang oportunidad
at kinailangan ko na ang buhay ko'y umusad

ang pangarap kong apat na taon
ay naudlot lamang sa tatlong linggo
na bawat araw ay makahulugan
na bawat segundo ay di ko makalimutan

nagkaron na ako ng pamilya
sa labas ng aking tahanan
nais ko pa sana kayo ay higit pang makilala
ngunit ito na ang hangganan

walang hangganang pasasalamat
ang kaya ko lamang sa inyo ay ibigay
ngunit kasama na rin ang mga patawad
dahil maaga akong napawalay

salamat dahil naransan ko
na naging parte ako ng pamilya na to
naranasan ko ang kaligayahan
na kahit minsan ay di ko naransan

naranasan ko pumasok nang di lang para mag aral
na hindi ko ramdam ang pag kakasakal
bagkus sa paaralan man o tahanan
ramdam ko na ako ay may bilang at kahulugan

marahil habang buhay kong iisipin
kung di ko pinili na kayo ay lisanin
mga pala isipan na sana
pinili ko ang pamilya ng sikolohiya

sa huli salamat sa mga ala ala
sa maigsi nating pagsasama
sana sa muli nating pagkikita
ay walang mag iiba

Day 193: Chances untaken

You look at her just inches away

seeing the world right before your very eyes

trying to look cool and playing it nice

when did love became child's play?

to them she is just another person

another lost soul wandering in earth

but to me she is the reason

why I still fight despite all the pain I felt

maybe years from now I will regret

the chance that I didn't take with her

the very fear of rejection

now she will only be mine in my imagination

Day 192: Finite words for Infinite feelings

You have conquered my mind

in intruded my dreams

I never mind your past 

As I see the future with you

I guess for a time

You really did caught my eye

the brightest star in the sky

the one who always flicker light

even by a simple sight

you complete my day

and a day without talking to you

is a day no good at all

you maybe in the healing process

and maybe so do I

maybe we are just two broken souls

who's sick of being broken

but I would take a leap for you

never mind the past as if 

we always go through

I swear under the purple sky

I will never make you blue

a set of poems cannot comprehend

how my feelings are for you

and how I would still fall for you everyday

I just hope the love 

that made me believe in love again

won't be gone so soon

I know that love is hard

the constant need of reassurance

the jealousy and fear of rejection

the sacrifices are all difficult

but with you I feel so easy

I feel great 

Everything feels so natural

and looking at you

makes me feel so easy

maybe I could write every word I know

and craft poems to offer you

but in the end they cannot encapsulate

of how I truly feel 

Day 191: I'm not that guy

I'm not that guy who you can
show off to your friends
make them jealous for being yours
or be your personal trophy
I don't have dazzling abs
or charming good looks
I don't have that mysterious aura
or a perfectly sculpted hair
I'm not the one beneath the shining armor
or the brightest star in the sky
I am not anyones choice
especially I'm not food for the eyes
I am not the perfect one
I do not have the perfect singing voice
nor can I play the guitar
I cannot dance that well
and I am flawed in every aspect
But I will try to be the best for you.

Day 190 (2): Same

It will be a mystery
of how she can't perceive her own beauty
maybe it's that she only saw her reflection
so she cannot see her own perfection
I wonder if she will still say the same
if she saw herself light up a smile
or how she converse to other people
and how she laughs so real
how her eyes widen
when she watches things that she love
if she could see herself
in someone else's eyes
would she speak the same?

Day 190: Revolution

I know this may seem redundant
but her laugh is what I find
her most attractive attribute
as I  find it beautiful and cute

you see, her laugh is genuine
and she doesn't mind coming off masculine
she doesn't mind the tears coming out
she doesn't mind her gums showing off

I guess it's just comforting
to see someone laugh at random moment
in a world that is falling
she still finds enjoyment

enough of her laugh let's talk about her
her beauty is unique yet not exotic
to define her is is something rare
let's stick with the term exquisite

to define her with words
is something no one is worthy of
as every dictionary exist in the world
has no word to define her

now as the sun revolves around her once more
and she ages for another year or so
days have passed and she evolved
funny how this world revolved

Day 189: Crystal

Crystal pelts fall from the sky

haze all around leaving us blind

rising sun is down by night

in all of this, your smile radiated light

Sun was never to be found

then it was darkness all around

everything was to be doomed

losing to your demons was inevitable

great danger awaits

reality starts to kick in

inside your head is a battle

telling you to die like a cattle

curses fill your dirty mouth

as you tried to resist the voices

to learn that they only grow stronger

in times you feel despair

letting the demons win is a no go

losing everytime in exhausting

only to learn that your salvation

will never come from a person

Day 188: Fallout

A day with her far from my sight
is a day that isn't right
and I love everything about her
and coming from a guy who has no clue
on how feelings are considered true
and never have I though of ruse
because this woman has my heart
and I could never break hers
even if I wanted to
this has been painfully overwhelming
but I love her as much as I needed breathing
call impulsive and hopeless
But who said love will make sense?
I guess everything sounds great
when everything is about to start
But we don't have to pretend
that everything is perfect
because even if we know how this may end
we can't say that we can't enjoy the ride
but for now let's keep this feelings bottled
as for it won't grow into a garden
because no matter how pretty my words are
there is no ending in which result to her and I
even though my feelings are strong now
I really wish to fallout

Day 187: Jade

You have been a great mentor

as well as a mother and an instructor

despite the intimidating demeanor

we saw you as our savior

savior, in a sense we don't know

how the coming world will flow

we didn't mind every extra mile

because we always have your smile

you saw our tears and we saw yours

in times the we have drifted our course

We are blessed to be with your side

and how we get along, along the ride

you are more than our adviser

but you have been a friend and a mother

you have thought us wonderful things

in academics and what the world will bring

we are grateful for the wisdom you bestowed

and to you, we will forever owe

but I guess everything has to end

and we cannot stop the trend

of seeking something better

and only leaving something to remember

you thought us a lot of things and thank you

however you didn't teach us how to live without you

Day 186 (2): Overthinking

when cluttered thoughts rose
with the situation that you chose
to be the chaos in your head
you start feeling dread

the small things that did not matter
starts making your body rattle
every little thing that are just there
is imagined as a huge disaster

maybe the demons in your head scream
or maybe you are just having a bad dream
and everyone is looking at you
and it is not enough to just feel blue

Day 186: Selos

kaya lang kita tingnan sa malayuan
mga sulyap na puno ng kahulugan
kung makausap man
ito ay panandalian lamang
di pwede magreklamo dahil kaibigan lang
at alam mong hanggang dyan ka lang
ngunit araw araw mong pala isipan
kung magkakaron ba ng kaibahan
kung may nagawa ka lamang
at hindi na sana naunahan
edi sana ako ang lagi mong katawanan
ako sana ang lagi mong kalokohan
ako ang nasa tabi mo lamang
pero ngayong ako ay hanggang tingin lamang
hanggang dito lang ang kahihinatnan
pero hindi naman dahil wala kong karapatan
ay wala na kong sakit na naramdaman

Day 185: Validation of Beauty

She was incomparable like a....
but nevertheless, she was unique in her own way
never needing a look alike
for the validation of beauty
as flowers and christmas lights are both pretty
but they look nothing alike
she is a blossoming flower
yet a shimmering star
a flickering light
and a flower full of fragrance

if color she is
she is white
a blank white canvas
who is so pure
that the colors of the world
could barely define her
as she is a clean canvas
who can adapt to whichever
color the world desires

she can be a star, flower a christmas light
and many more things
but neither of those could even be close
to how amazing she is as a person
words cannot define her
and objects cannot be compared to her
she is just unique in that way

she is the only beautiful thing in this world
which does not need constant validation
as beauty is her all along

Day 184: Sun and Moon

when the moon met the sun 

she was drinking tea and eating bun

she was smiling and having fun

and the moon compared her to none

it was early june

he saw her in perfect afternoon

coming from a short lived summer

he saw the sun and glimmered

when the sun approached the moon

he was barely hanging on

but her smile saved him

as her smile and skin gleamed

because in second week

when the moon and the sun meet

the skies parted and oceans sang

as moons heart sprang

they had a little chat

and the moon asked

"would it be alright

in exchange for your everytime

is that I give you a smile?"

and the sun replied:

"everything is fine

as long as you keep the promise

not to break my fiery heart

or leave me alone

for the rest of my life"

the moon felt shocked

and calmed

when the sun stated 

the it was a joke delivered

the moon could only laugh at the sun

as her rays shone

the moon tried to joke back 

to make her fall in love

but everytime the laughs

the moon falls in love 

the moon was minding his own

business when he met the sun

never wanting to fall in love

but now the moon could not get out

as he fell deeply in love

now the moon only lights

in sharing the rays of sun

conquering the night, with billions of stars

and laying low in the day when the sun leads

the moon was mocked by the sun

when she said that he has all those stars

the moon only left a chuckle

knowing that the sun will never know

that she is the star 

that the moon will ever need

Day 183: Thoughts of you

I walk in thinking all this was great

thought the feelings for the future is fret

then you walked past me

and changed everything I have foreseen

porcelain skin had pulled me in

as well as your scarlet lips

your auburn hair

and your weird sense of humor

in everytime she would win

as for her original sin

waking up to go everyday

I really hope that with me, you'll stay

I know you have better things to do

and I do, rather than sit and wait for you

though this moment makes me blue

well just believe my feelings are true

send me a mixtape of your voice

as in listening music, it will be my choice

your clumsy antics still left me awe

as I learn to embrace your flaws

you fooled me once with your eyes

and twice for your smile

thrice when I heard you talk
and even more when you laughed

she smiles like she doesn't care
and lives in this world so unaware
does she have any clue
of how is the world in my view?

this is killing me inside
as you have taken over my mind
consuming all of my time
I think, I've gone blind
I hope that this feeling is right
or else I will strip my pride
and cast it all aside

I will always wonder
what it might have been
if there is a moment when
you are smiling by my side
I guess you will never know
how these feelings work for you
and I will hide in the marianas trench
the feelings I have for a girl
who slowed, stopped and fast forwarded time
by the time I laid my eyes upon her

Day 182: Tomorrow

Tomorrow I will see her again
the scarlet lips where smile
the yellow embrace of sunlight on her
her hazelnut brown eyes which cannot lie
her long silky hair as it dances
on a cold breeze of july
she will wear something common
or something fabulous
but either wardrobe she has
she will be the apple of my eye
I would go on an hour trip
and walk for lots of meters
feel exhausted before I can sit
but when she enters the room
I will remember why I entered
chances will be
when I look around the room
she will be there smiling at all time
and if a lucky bloke like
could ever be noticed by her
there is a grain of chance
where she will smile back at me
she is what I am looking forward tomorrow
but for tonight
I shall keep her in my dreams