Day 31: Concluding January

It started great and everything fell to pieces. However, something changed inside me. It's the attitude towards the problems. Well for starters, I was in a much better position than I was a year ago. I realized that everything is powerless without your reaction. Life will throw every bull shit on you but it's not the size of the dog to a fight, instead what is the size of the fight to the dog.

It's a new year with a new ambiance but somehow some things managed to stay the same. Not in a bad way since you learn to view things in a different scope.

Night.

Day 30: Why Assassin's Creed Brotherhood is the best

• We can all agree the 2nd in each trilogy  is the greatest

- The Dark Knight, The God Father, The two towers, Spiderman 2, Toy story 2, 22 jump street, X-men 2, and many more proved this feat. While fans had mixed reception in AC: Revelations and still glorify the ACII as the best one in the series after 9 games. We can all agree how great brotherhood connected these two games, which reminds me...

• It had that sense of freedom

- Assassin's Creed II focused on a young ezio and how he rose to the assassin ranks. Revelations focused on concluding Altair's and Ezio's Story line. Both are interesting but brotherhood didn't have to stick in the restriction. Though it was a direct sequel, it had that sense of freedom in which the player doesn't stick to a cliche starting a story or rather concluding one. The continuation of the Borgia family drama and liberation of Rome gave the story a fresh feel. Also, the narrative is fresh as we always try to predict what will happen next. 

• Though viewed as inferior to it's predecessor, it revamped everything.

- You now liberate Rome and in return you can upgrade it, not limiting to the villa auditore,unlike the last game. The combat is far smoother and the customization is better. The side quests are far more interesting and has some relevance to the story. Like the Leonardo's Machines, Cristina mission and the DLC. speaking of...

• Arguably, it has the best DLC in the entire franchise

- Tyranny of king Washington was good but it has no relevance to the story and it has fantasy theme which is really not a reason I play assassin's creed. The Battle of Forli and Bonfire of vanities was great, it was a part of the narrative but it was tedious at times and it was running in circles like, getting the apple losing it and getting it again. It makes the game slow paced, though it's a great DLC bridging the gap between sequence 11 and 14. However it falls short. The Black Flag's DLC could've been great if only it continued the main narrative and did not make a standalone title. Revelations DLC was  great, a breath of fresh air, the story and platforming puzzle was cool but it has no relevance to the story whatsoever. However, it does explain some narrative in the AC franchise. The Jack the ripper DLC was awesome yet it feels forced. I wish Jack the ripper was just a random bloke killing prostitutes and not a former assassin with a hidden blade. I mean some historical character in the franchise (Leonardo Da Vinci, Nicolas Copernicus, Alexander Graham Bell, Benjamin Franklin) who are not assassin's or templars but still made an impact to the story. It may be great that a villain was not a Templar for once. Just a jerk killing people. Unity:Dead Kings DLC comes close to being the best since it came close to redeeming the game but it falls short from the fact that it is Unity. It looked like a sequel too and it adds to the story and Arno's character Development. AC Brotherhood's DLC was perfect. Relevance to the story, character relationship improvement and character development. It also has the modern day element. It feels natural to the game and it really adds to the story. It explored Ezio's relationship with Leonardo Da Vinci and it sets up the grand temple in which is a focus in ACIII and AC Revelations

to be continued...

Day 29: Gabriela Silang (Part 1)

How does a woman, orphan, child of the north, and mestiza
Dropped in the middle of a forgotten spot in the Ilocos Sur
by providence, evangelize from pagan
Grow up to be a symbol for the women?

A woman leader, rises up despite the struggle
Got a lot farther, after her husband's assassination
continued the revolution
fought against oppression
by that time, she was the Joan of arc of the Ilocano

Day 28: Empty Vessel

I am nothing without a host

Without someone to fill my holes 

I can be a dirty rag

If they lost a purpose for me

I vary, in your liking

on how you will present me

I can be a mere display

or a trophy to brag

I can be expensive or cheap

depends on how you see me

but you view me as an accessory

which only is valuable at beginning

A lot of people was inside me

But I was never ashamed of that

I looked for the best possible fit 

Always pleading for that perfect one

I am rented or bought

depending on how you saw me

Whether it is midnight or broad daylight

I want you inside me

People are prone to judgement

So I expect that you already gave me yours

But I see no other way

For a piece of something like me

needs something to retaliate

Day 27: Necklace for the soulmates

"I can't remember the last time my necklace heat up" Casey said as she was playing with it. Her bubbly face always look so down every time we talk about our necklaces. Her necklace is a perfect oval shape with yellow color It matches her brown eyes and short black hair. Average built and pretty small for her age. In this world, everyone gets handed a necklace after the moment they are born. they are given by the shamans of each city. These necklaces signify who our soulmate is. Considering the size and shape, your other half has the same necklace as you and it heats up considering how near or far are you from your soulmate. Mine is a sky blue star shaped necklace. It has been cold for sometime now. It even froze one moment.

Going back to Casey, After she whined about her necklace, I finished studying with her and went home. The streets are crazy as usual; people are too concerned about their necklaces. Most of them walks while playing with it, waiting for the necklace to heat up. One time I even saw a woman with a glowing necklace and tackled her supposedly necklace. I have never heard of anyone dated someone else besides their soulmate. Maybe this necklaces are made for a reason but at the same time depressing since some people spend their entire lives looking for their soulmate. Disregarding the real world. I passed by the coffee shop and saw the old couple who eat there every lunch for the last 65 years. Their necklaces have been blinding and both has been steaming for a long time. Mr. and Mrs. Diggs, that's what they are called. A lot people admire them deeply. They don't even have to pay for the food at the coffee shop, the couple just insisted.

Pass the coffee shop is the alley of shattered dreams. It's actually an institution, I have no idea why they named it that. It's the people with shattered necklaces or people who have no necklace to begin with. It signifies that their soulmate already passed away or that they never have one to begin with. It's a really sad place. The people are there to face the fact that they are going to be alone. Although, some rumors say that people fell in love there. But your guess is as good as mine.

I got home and saw my mother cooking a meal. "Oh, there you are. How's the review?" she greeted. I nodded and told her about my day. As we we're chatting, my sister,Leslie, went home with his fiance. Both of their necklaces were diamond lavender. Both were glowing and steaming. "Hey guys! Marc just came by to help me with the groceries." She remarked while kissing mark goodbye. As they part, their necklaces dim a bit.

I'm really close to my family. I have little group of friends but I'm pretty tight with my family. We we're chatting when my father came from work and picked up my youngest sister, Louise. I noticed how my mom's arrow shaped necklace glowed green. My father went home as well bearing the glowing green necklace. We all had dinner and told our stories through out the day.

We are all at bed and about to sleep. My phone rang and when I heard a voice, my necklace heated up.

Day 26: Sigmund Corp Series (fanfiction) (Part 2)

Going into the machine we got into his most recent memory. We saw him sitting by the bench and we activate the mode where we can interact with him. He was reading the bible when Sandra decided to approach him. "Alex? we're the one you called, we're here to start the procedure now" Sandra remarked but got no response from him. Alex was reciting these verses: Peter 3:9, Deuteronomy 31:6,  Isaiah 43:19, and Jeremiah 29:11. By the time he got finished, he answered."Oh sure, but can you promise me one thing? I don't want to forget my family" I assured him that he won't.

Unlike his wife, he didn't nag for an explanation. He just wanted to reset his wrong doings in the past. He warned us that things could get ugly by the time we try to dig deeper. We moved back into his memories and got into his deepest regret immediately. Sandra was horrified. It was the city of Makati in ruins. Alex was in the solitary confinement deep within the basement so he survived. We watched him climbed through the rubble and how horrified he was. He was deeply injured and he scaled a mile walk from the prison to the nearest town. He collapsed at front of the church.

We watched how he was taken care of the priest. Honestly, I was bored and so was Sandra but I insisted on staying. "Let's just move him from another prison so he won't have to experience this." Sandra remarked. I disagreed. Alex wouldn't have come to us for a petty incident. Also the priest was nice to him. We watched their entire father-son relationship for years in minutes. He confessed his sins and the priest let him change his life by introducing the word of God. The last thing the priest gave Alex was the same bible that he was reading earlier.

Sandra and I argued if we were to go after this event or go back a bit further. As usual, I won. So we use instant transmission to travel and seek the memory where he met his wife. Sandra saw this as a pointless move but we continued anyway.

Alex was in his late 30's when he we saw him. He was walking through the city of Quezon as the people avoid him. It was like they've seen a ghost. Some people booed him and mothers took their children away. A woman even spat him on the face. He was wearing a hoodie with pajamas and holding a bible. Sandra was surprised that Alex went downhill once more. But I was not, I knew he would fall down again. It's not like he didn't change. It's just the world won't for him. Sandra couldn't bear to watch but as of now we couldn't do anything besides that. It got worse, people we're shouting hurtful things like: "A murderer like you deserve to rot in hell!" "Hypocrite! Why do you even carry a bible?!" "Just die!" Alex has his head down the whole time crying. Despite people screaming at him, no one dared to go near him. Except that woman who spat on his face. Even the men are afraid to do so. He entered a dark alleyway and sat on a bench.

"Rough day huh" We saw a much younger Francine sat beside him.

Day 25: Sigmund Corp Series (fanfiction) (Part 1)

"You didn't stop for gas, didn't you?" Sandra asked. She was always like that, nagging around and ordering me. However, I got used to it. The five foot four with short dark brown hair and brown eyes, pale skinned and skinny framed woman who always argue with me. She's my co worker and my partner so I just got used to it. We are at the middle of the highway and we just ran out of gas, luckily there is a store nearby that sells illegally contained petroleum. "Ta-daa! we're good to go!" I exclaimed, "You could get in trouble for this you know?" she sighed and looked stern. "Relax, besides we have a patient waiting for us." As we drove towards Calamba City

It was nostalgic. Going back to the city where I once lived but it bothers me that we are here for a dying patient. After a long 2 hour drive we finally got to the house. Supposedly it's only half an hour but we got lost since a lot have changed ever since I left. I and Sandra was left in awe when we saw that the house was a mansion and it had fifteen cars! I mean, who needs fifteen cars?!

An old lady welcomed us into the mansion and introduced herself as the patient's wife. "You're the people right? The one who will do the procedure?" "Yes ma'am" Sandra replied. Her name is Francine. Francine has a great posture for her age however, the wrinkled skin and grey hairs gave it away. She asked how the procedure will go, Sandra refused to speak as it will only waste time. But I insisted to explain while she set up the machine.

"We are going to enter your husband's mind then we will make changes in his memory. We will fulfill his wish however, it's all in the mind. People usually coming to us are those who have regrets and wish to correct them. Now that I mentioned it, what is your husband's wish and his regret?" "He was a serial killer and he wished for a normal life" I got fazed for a moment and looked at Sandra. She is pretending as if she never heard anything. Francine noticed my expression so she offered me a cup of tea. I burnt my tongue and decided to start the procedure. The doctor came to us and introduced herself as Janice. "Please take care, whatever you do please stay calm. also, you don't have much time. He doesn't seem to be responding to the medication and he's in coma for a week." I nodded at her and made a reassuring smile. I looked at Sandra and proceed with the machine.

Day 24: Rough day

We all have rough days once in a while. I have. However, they don't get in my head. Why? Because I always think of my mother. If I would go on a rampage or a swearing spree, it would break her heart also I am a reflection of what my parents are so I try to control my rage especially in times of distress.

We all have outlets, and for me it is writing.
I won't write much since I had a rough day. My personal journal shall hear from me.
I don't have amything right now.

Day 23: “The Challenges for upcoming HUMSS students”

I’m not going to sugar coat things nor exaggerate. It’s not easy. This strand asks so much from us yet we will be seen as the weakest link. Well, let me tell you this, the only person you’re supposed to help here is yourself.  If you’re taking this strand because you’re chasing after a girl or parents decide it for you, I beg you, step away. With knowledge comes sorrow and with sorrow comes knowledge, both are intertwined and as one feeds the other. Just because mathematics is out of the conversation it doesn’t mean it’s all rainbows and unicorns – NO. You may not solve or calculate things but I’m telling you that this is more of exploring yourself and that person is more confusing and intimidating than any calculations on the world combined. Self discovery will be the best and worst experience you will have as a HUMSS student. That person does not seek accurate answers, as one answer leads to another question, but that person craves for understanding. You will learn how to love/hate yourself more and be surprised of how diverse the people in this strand.

The senior high school is confusing let alone being a HUMSS student. You are expected to perform like college yet treated like high school. It’s really confusing and after a while you learn just to go with it. Another thing is that if someone degrades you for taking this strand, as much as possible do not comply, for we are thought how to answer and when to properly do it and HOW to properly do it. Knowing the answer does not mean you have to comply – One of the perks of being a HUMSS student. We are taught of things that we need to live for. As Robin Williams say in the movie “Dead Poets Society” and I quote “Medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for” Being a HUMSS student does not mean you are too dumb to solve maths, but rather you are too wise and this world needs more like you. Digging deep into people and making sure that humanity above all is what being a HUMSS student. You will know the answer to why people does things yet you can do so little about it.

There is no such thing as easy thing in this world especially if you’re looking for something worth it. Research papers, essays, assignments and quizzes are just the tip of the iceberg. Learn to sort out your priorities or else you will fail, if not, have a mental breakdown. Its part of training and all so don’t hate the teachers for it. Cut them some slack since they go through the same things as you. Despite how brilliant you are, if you do not possess the proper discipline and camaraderie, I assure you it will be a lot difficult.  You will memorize the Philippines constitution along with many more topics like religion, Word.By.Word. Just expect the worst and hope for the best.  You will go through hardships that will tempt you to give up but trust me when I say; you will thank yourself some day for making this decision.

Day 22: Diary of Grim Reaper (Michael)

I've seen fear, hope and retribution in the eyes and heart of people. My presence is merely unwanted for others. It's hard to cope up in this line of work even though you're doing it for uncounted millennia. I know people better than their love ones. You see people are true to themselves at the moment they are about to die. Some are afraid, some are unprepared and some greeted me like an old friend. This line of work has never been pleasant but someone has to do it.

I've taken the lives of elderly people, adults, children and even infants. My stomach couldn't bear taking a life but I do this almost constantly every day. Every day, a single soul is taken away from their body. But a single soul is just a speck from the souls in the afterlife. Like a speck of sand in coastline. Maybe insignificant as a whole but every speck contains a story in which inhibits a life time.

No one dies on accident, I will confirm that. Whether it's sickness, old age, or an onslaught of murder. It was all according to schedule. They are merely an instrument. Whether or not there is a divine plan, is an issue Shall discus in the near future.

I must go now. A flood ravaged the streets of Los Angeles.

Day 21: Voided

Being alone:
The great thing about being alone is that no one will be there to annoy you. You enjoy the company of yourself alone and no one can judge you. It's not a bad thing actually. Having a solemn time for yourself is what you need to escape the world sometimes. Also, it makes you smarter as you rely heavily on thinking and clearing up your thoughts. You simply enjoy everything and got the time to contemplate to everything. However, you are prone to overthinking which is one of the most dangerous situation you can be in. Being an introvert or even not, try to be alone for a little while and see what you can do.

Current issues:
You want to build a wall? Fine. Charter change, Tax reform and extra judicial killings? Fine. Of we are too young to oppose then we will make sure that our generation will be there to remove it. We are in the middle of something we cannot oppose yet we do not seem to adapt. One day when my generation is in charge we will make sure a better job than you. We might fail to save the world today but you can be sure that we are going to redeem it.

Promises:
You see, you cannot hold onto something that is spoken only once. It's a carving on sand, a drawing on the sky and a writing on the sea. People who actually mean something what they say has a special way of saying that at the same time, let you feel it. So if you feel something is off. shake it off.

Day 20: Stages of falling in love

I love you because....
- The most shallow one, you love within these conditions and once they are gone. A girl or guy maybe smart, attractive or just really appeals to you. But once that faint attraction fades or that single or couple of traits are gone, the "love" is lost. Most people get hurt because even at this stage, they expect and they expect that the person they are attracted to will maintain the trait they are holding onto. Its not love if you accept them only for their strengths. Well, this type of love is easy to shake off, unless you're an impulsive who takes the high road ate the first step. You might as well get hurt and prepare to be disappointed. It's not a bad thing to gain attraction for a certain someone, it's just learn to love their flaws first before you decide you really love that person.

I love you despite....
- These type of people are like vegans, they think they are special but they are in the same shit as everyone else. People have varied tolerance level, it depends on what he or she went through. Nonetheless, loving a person "despite" of, means that you are merely tolerating a trait of the person you love. He or she maybe a smack eater, smelly, loud snorer, impolite, rude and many more. Let's face the fact that we are all human beings and sooner or later we are going to break. The cute will be annoying, the adorable will be stifling and the things you tried to ignore will suddenly be a leverage against you every time you argue. Trust me, every little thing that they tolerated about you will be a conviction. After this, it will be a push and pull or an on and off.

I love you.
- It's perfectly imperfect. You couldn't understand the feeling, you just love that person. It's like the universe align and all the wars cease to exist. Everything was a poetry in motion. The world stopped and haste at the same time. If you could choose to travel the world with some one else or stay with that person eating reheated pizza while watching a crappy television show, you choose that individual every single time. You cannot put it into words and the paper rejects it. It's a feeling that everything is just the way you dream. The downside of it is that once the one you love decided to leave you, it hurts like hell. The years, months you spent building and dreaming can collapse in a matter of seconds. The palace of dreams becomes the ruins of broken dreams. The love that was once impossible to explain becomes a pain impossible to comprehend.

Day 19: Sorry, Mom

There was a time when I was tired from school and went to my computer immediately. My mother was telling a story enthusiastically when suddenly my keyboard fell. Although it usually happens, it frustrated me at that time and I shouted at my mom. "Please shut up I'm busy!" Then she got silent. I felt bad even at the moment I'm writing this. My mom has been a housewife ever since I was a young boy and gave up on her dreams for me. She was alone most of the time at the house without anyone to talk to. I can't feel but bad when I told her to shut up. She was just alone all day walking around and cleaning the house and the moment she found a companion, I rejected her. It happened one time but the guilt was still in me. It pains me that it may have broken her heart. I hate the fact that I hurt the person whose only wish was to love me. All she ever wanted was someone to talk to after a long day of being alone and due to my arrogance I neglected her for it.

My heart feels heavy every time I remember that moment. That was the one mistake I would spend the rest of my life getting fixed. I will make it all up to her I promise. It's just that her face when she frowned after I shouted at her still haunts me. No words can describe my love for her yet simple words may have broken her heart. I will forever apologize for that moment. I hate that in times of weakness we tend to hurt the ones we love.

Day 18: Rose of Calamba

My eyes have met a lovely rose

Introduced to me by a giant tree

I didn't notice at one look

But I did go there to solve my clue

And I fall in love, before I knew

I've introduced myself to this lovely rose

but being careful from, it's prickly thorns

back of my mind I'd regret

For doubting the beauty of this 

But now I knew, I want you

I've made attempts, to pick you up

but your thorns are just, too stubborn

But who am I to blame you

Have I known this rose was hurt before

and let me mend the wound you felt

There are times I tried, and times I backed

I tried to water and fix you up

But a man can only wish for some

I have to accept my fate

I can only watch you from afar

But a stubborn heart never learn

As multiple times I tried to pick you up

but only suffered a bleeding hand

every thorn piercing my flesh

is a reminder that I cannot make you mine

But today I wish to bid my farewell

For this lonely boy won't bother anymore 

I hope the day you sheathe your thorns

is to some person who know

how to love the rose of Calamba

Day 17: Fragility

        I never thought I could fully give in to an internet video until earlier today.  It was about a spoken poetry dedicated to mothers. Before I knew it tears were falling out of my eyes and I couldn't hold it back. I don't want to hold it back. The spoken word poetries about exes and lovers didn't appeal to me much although I had fun with the imagery.

        Everyone has a soft spot and mine it's my mother. I couldn't imagine a life without her and I would be a different person if it weren't for her. I don't mind the lack of girlfriend throughout these years because I have the best woman in the world. I have always been tough and durable but it's all because a great woman is behind me.

     Everyone has a weak spot and not until then I discovered mine. We are all fragile at one time for a single person. I love you mom.

Day 16: Death and Doctor

          Day by day my presence has been every person's demise. Every mother loathe me and no one wanted my presence anymore. I'm a plague doctor, my name is not important since my profession is what people cares about me. Every home I go into is nothing short of hatred, I cannot remember the last time somebody welcomed me in their home. It's the year 1350, and the black death occurred.

         The next farm and after that was nothing new, they threw plates and chased me with their brooms. They didn't like the idea of having someone to come over just to tell them that their loved one would die. Even as a doctor I could not do much for them, I could prolong their life but it would only extend their agony. It's a good thing I have this mask on, because I do not wish my patients see me afraid and fragile. I may always appear emotionless but it's for the good of everyone.

         I am merely the bearer of bad news. I may as well be a messenger rather than a doctor. No one knew how this plague started and how it works. Once a person contracted it, you wait for days to die. Nothing more, nothing less. Some days are worse than the others, as I stumble only upon corpses and not a grieving family. I was disappointed but at the same time I knew at the back of my mind there was nothing more I can do, he came before me.

       An old friend of mine was just outside the farmer's house where I was supposed to check in next. He was death, a hooded figure with a scythe. He saw me and went at my direction. "Rough day huh" he muttered. "Well either way you are more powerful than me, but why do you do this?" I answered with a shaking voice. "Don't blame me! I was just doing my job! It's not my fault that I do my job better than you! besides, I should be receiving a little gratitude as I release them form their agony" I was speechless. He was right, there was nothing more we can do but I let my ego get the best of me. "Gratitude?! You bumbling idiot! Most of the people who died are children! Do you know how I feel every time I will pronounce a child dead?!" He was quiet but I kept going. "I have this five year old patient who was about to die and there was nothing I could do. What would I say to his parent when I go there? He lived a fulfilling five years? It's just too much, it's really unfair." I calmed down and said my last though under my breath "Every day, I see children getting buried, those are the people I should've saved but didn't. It's funny how the smallest coffins weighs the heaviest in your heart" He wasn't speaking he was just there listening to me. I felt and itch at my arm. "You know, one day I'm coming for you" "I know, but not today"

     I continued my journey and we went on the same path. He was just ahead of me.

Day 15: A Day in Athena (Filipino)

Nagsisimula ang aking araw sa sistemang ito; darating ako sa paaralan ng isang minuto bago ang malakas na bell, darating ako sa labas ng silid aralan naming na may mga taong nag uusap kaya’t mula sa iba’t ibang direksyon ang ingay. Tutunong muli ng bell ng tatlong beses hanggang sa umabot sap unto na may malalim na matinis na boses na lalabas sa speaker. “Lahat po ng nasa second floor, third floor at fourth floor ay magsibaba nap o para sa ating assembly”. Minsan nakakatuwa kais kitang kita pala kami sa CCTV tapos walang nag aabala kumilos.

Pagbukas ng pinto upang simulan ang araw naming ay sadyang nakakatuwa. Sa oras na maamoy namin ang amoy kulob na kwarto at natirang floorwax mula noong nakaraang linggo ay alam naming magsisimula na ang araw namin.

Maingay, magulo, amoy ulam, amoy paa, amoy polbo, amoy sanitizer at Sobrang lamig. Ganiyan sa Athena. Minsan nakakainis ang kabi kabilang sigawan; may matinis, may malalim, may sadyang nakakainis. Pero Masaya ako na ganito, dahil sa unang pagkakataon sa buhay ko mula noong nakaraang taon ay nakapasok ako sa isang silid aralan na hindi mabigat ang loob ko.

Minsan hindi ko nanga inilalabas ang aking telepono dahil kapag iginala mo ang mata mo ay malilibang ka sa mga tao rito. Meron kapag break time ay nasa may teacher’s table at nagcacamping, meron naman na nasa tabi ng outlet at napakadamot magpacharge akala mo sila nagbabayad ng kuryente, meron naman nag chechess na pampalipas oras lang dapat ay lumipas na ang buong tanghalian bago makatira, at meron namang may mga sariling mundo at sa di ko maipaliwanag na dahilan may kumukuha ng litrato nila araw araw na parang nagbabago ba naman itsura nila. Malamig na amoy ulam, ganyan kapag break time.

Syempre papadaig ba naman ang mga panahon na may klase? Kanya kaniyang trip kapag may klase; meron na kunwaring nakikinig pero lutang na pala, may literal na natutulog, may mga akala mo nagbabasa pero nag cecellphone pala, at mayroon naman na nagaaral at nakikinig mabuti, tulad ko.

Sa huli, nakakalungkot isipin na sa loob ng ilang buwan ay maghihiwa hiwalay na kami. Ang amoy ng ulam, lamig ng aircon, walang saysay na sigawan at sari saring tao na nakakasalamuha mo araw araw ay mawawala at magiging ala ala na lamang. Dahil masama man sila minsan, tulad mo ay umaangat ang mga ala alang iiwanan. Dahil lahat naman ay may ipinamalas na kabutihan, tulad ko.

Day 14: Devil May Cry

Lucifer, in terms of biblical passages, is a fallen angel that sought something more so he was banished. But when you put it that way... There is a Lucifer inside all of us. Deep down every human being is a child waiting for acceptance and at one point neglected of that needs. I'm saying that everyone may have a devil inside all of us but even the first devil didn't came with horns and a fork. He fell down from the sky. What if every one is accepted the way they wanted to? would anyone still do crime? Would people still hurt one another? 

But, there is another thing. The devil doesn't come to your life as red man with horns and pitchfork, it comes as everything you ever wish for. If we were given everything that we ever wanted, there is still a possibility in which we would succumb to greed. 

I don't know, humans are complicated.

Day 13: For the guy who will love her (An Acrostic)

Any dimwit can pretend to love someone even if it isn't true. I just hope you're not that guy.
Love her completely or don't love her at all. Never in my life I have met a girl as incredible as her
in every way. She is a human but does not appear weak, fragile yet stands tall and a fan girl yet she is
smart in her own way. The day I met her was nothing special but days beyond that proved to me that
someone can make you smile without any effort. With or without her camera, her smile is contagious
and natural. The moment her lips curved between her chubby cheeks is the time the world stop.
Never, for a moment I have doubt her beauty for it's just too natural. In a world coated with make up
did a girl appeared pleasant without one. Let her be herself and you already have the best.She may
reject me any time of the day but the flame in my heart forever be kindled.  I hope the same to you
and wish you possess everything she deserves. You may even walk her to a cathedral.

May you love her the way she deserves and love her the same way I do. I just hope you do and does
awe her everyday. May you never break her definition and perception of love and give her the world
I once wished was mine. My best was given but did not receive something in return, but I do not
regret for I know that for once I made her feel special and do the same. Make her feel like a queen
in this world full of slaves. Build her an empire of dreams and not a Colosseum of broken promises.

Don't ever make her feel that she was never enough. Make her feel special in every little manner.
End every argument with a resolution and admit your fault whether or not it is yours. I never had the
chance to know her deeply so that's another up for you. You will see her deeply and know everything
about her. All the pain, heartbreaks and scars. Please love her despite all of that and just embrace it.
Never make her feel bad for being herself, she love kdrama and photography so you support her, coz'
Once you break her heart, you're gonna answer to me.

Day 12: A Melody for Broken Hearts (Part 1)

How do you even mend a broken heart?
Especially those who once loved too much
Then just suddenly became out of touch
Once beating, only to be torn apart

How funny to think of this quotation
"If your heart was not broken, it's not love"
Does it mean the moment you fall in love
Pain follows that you must anticipate?

Day 11: Competition

I hate people who turn everything into a competition. I mean yeah a little competition is fun but when it becomes too serious and seriously took up too much of your time, it becomes a tedious task which takes out the fun from it. The fun of playing is gone and also for the people around it. The person is simply feeding his or her ego and I hope they're happy?

You see, there's nothing wrong with trying to improve yourself as long as you don't step on anyone. I just hate the fact that you ask for too much that other people are sucked out of their fun. Those self serving idiots did nothing  but ruin everything. They may try to sound humble by degrading themselves but they only want to affect the morale of the other. They don't see the fun in that game, they simply want to win. Those self-involved users.

We use to play chess by break times and ever since the top 1 of the class decided to join in. She has been playing non stop. I wrote this to rant ,as my title goes. We want to play with others too but for some reason, it became all about her. I hate it, because I know the moment I confront her she would get all defensive and would put all the blame on me at the same time playing the victim once more. It's tough being a guy.

I've always had fun in everything I do but every time she joins in it takes the fun out if it. Some may assume that I envy her since she's the top 1, but that's not the point. If I were to envy someone it would be Steve, yeah that guy can do anything. She just doesn't click to me and it's not personal. we can be friends if we weren't classmates. She may be on top but my respect is something she will never attain.

It's funny how someone who doesn't matter much beat out the fun I have. I've become a cynical guy who hates what he does. It's nothing personal really, I just don't appreciate those antics. 

Day 10: Open-ended

So, we have this assignment on writing a story about God with and open ending and only 250 words. I couldn't write a single damn word. Maybe, it's the fact that I feel like I'm detonating a bomb and one wrong move it could jeopardize everything. I'm not that brave enough to handle such sensitive topic but at the same time my curiosity kills me. The What ifs and maybes are just too much to handle. There are endless possibilities but at the same time, grounded rules.

I won't be writing much as of now but I'll post my work here.

Day 9: Attention

                  How much attention does a single person require? I mean some things are immeasurable, like rice, love and water. But does attention count for it? Some people despise attention while other people crave for it so much that they never give a damn for anybody or anyone. It's just annoying. The random loud noises, faking sadness, negating emotions of oneself and another, intercepting conversations, random questions if they overheard something and the most annoying one; Making. Every. Single. Thing. About. Them.

               Everyone ha self-esteem no matter how low or high it is, it's just pretty petty if it will be confused with attention seeking. All people want some attention but please stop begging for it, I might as well shove it down your throat. They take up too much time and simply annoys even those in authority. While everyone is eager to listen, they are simply waiting for an opportunity to talk about themselves. There is an internet video about that.

             There is nothing much that I can say for that since I can only express that in anger. It's really annoying and it should stop. It may get worse and even involve people just to beg for that sweet attention. But when all things fail, will you even desire the world's eyes on you?

Day 8: Dula

My Filipino teacher just recently announced that we will have  a play with the whole section. I was so hyped up and felt so happy because all of that is what I have been dreaming of. Of course, the play back in grade 9 was great but to actually write the script is what hypes me up. Imagine an entire play into your own liking in which you can freely direct. Of course, it has to be approved so yeah, fingers crossed.

The cooperation and the bonding is what I also want to have during the process. We are about to do something memorable that may leave a legacy for us. But despite this excitement, I have this fear that the incidents of last year may occur once more. I did everything in my power to keep everything intact but they all just drifted away and ultimately leading them all against me. As much as I want to take a lead in this play, I might step back.

But, if I will be given a chance to lead and besides, the people of yesterday are different from the people of today. Maybe, they have matured and knows howto deal with problems in the right way. I would like to integrate the plot of to the moon. In which doctors transverse a lifetime to a patient who wants his or her wish to be fulfilled. I see it more fitting in a film but I think a play can do as much. First is that we need a variety of characters to transverse and interact. Which is great since we have 43 people to handle. The music can be a factor too, the soundtrack of to the moon and finding paradise are heartwarming and pleasant that it fits in every story. Lastly, it's a great concept with a great possibilities.

Another concept is the "Scrubs" it's my favorite TV show by unanimous decision as in no one else came close to it (I feel like Sherlock wasn't too realistic). It has lots of quirks and gags like the daydream sequence in which it can use a variety of people and test our sequencing techniques, there's the musical counterpart, the medical drama and lastly the scenes with perfect bgfx.

Scrubs and the Sigmund series are the best I have for now. A historical play may do... yeah! Like Hamilton in which we will explore some unsung Filipino hero in the past who deserves more credit than they receive. The Hamilton soundtracks are great and their minus one are easy to put lyrics into. Also it can give a musical vibe and the sceneries can be a nostalgic or perfect thematic.

If ever I have another idea I'll jot down, but for now that's the best I have.I'm working on a short story with the elements of the Sigmund corp series to prove a point that it's story is flexible.

Day 7: Barbershops

All my life I've had my hair cut at Calamba. I've been loyal to Carding's and Twinstar barbershop. I feel a little bit off if I had to go to other barbershops. Ever since I was seven years old I've sen barbers come and go, although my favorite will always be the man with a tail on his hair and the old one who is probably long gone by now. Usually my father come along with me but by the time I was 13 I went there myself and had lots of parody of my favorite barber's cut. One time I has a barber's cut in which my top is too long and my sideburns gone, Another is when I lost all of my hair and my sisters didn't recognize me, there was a time in which I had my sideburns outlet while little to no hair on top. Barbershops are magical.

Now that 2018 came, the barbershops in Calamba are closed and for a moment in my life I felt lost. The places where I cut my hair are closed for no apparent reason, I didn't know where to go and I'm going to get scolded for having a hair that is basically a Tarzan look. I can't remember when is the last time I had my hair cut, I was too busy. I tried asking for suggestions but all are too far away. By the time I got home, I need to have a haircut again. All of them suggested that I take a parlor but no. Just no. It's not manly and I've had a bad experience with them.

I found a perfect barbershop just across Liana's Department store. It gave me a haircut the suits me and since my sisters approved it, I have to believe that it's good, despite hating myself many times at the barbershop. I guess the best things in life don't come immediately huh.

Day 6: Braces

I have this super uncomfortable object in my mouth that is surprisingly essential for me to be "good looking", I guess being smart and helpful wasn't enough of a trait. I deeply protested about having my braces but at the same time I loved to explored the possibility of it. Everyone's been teasing me for a week or even longer than that so I much as well do it anyway. The only fact that I can't seem to put my finger on is that I have to change something in myself to be accepted. I mean most of them states that after braces I may look more appealing and possibly get a girlfriend, but I can't see that as a positive thing since I am against the thought of changing oneself to be more likable by others. I have never been fond of attention, especially if it does not come from something I love doing. Don't get me wrong I would love attention if people will notice my writings. 

I've been neglected of good food for the last 12 hours ever since I've had this on, all I had is soup. Well, the pain of desiring something. I just wanted a great smile so I can finally smile at pictures, but the horror of attaining that, damn. The fact is, I am currently experiencing the consequences of a decision I halfheartedly made. But the good thing is that I took a risk, got out of the comfort zone and finally learned that some things are worth going over. 

If the handsome thingy would be true in the future, I couldn't see myself enjoying it. As I've said earlier I don't like changing for acceptance, I only want a small group of friends. 

This 365 day writing challenge and having my braces are proofs that I am growing up whether the people around me acknowledges that. I'm beginning to train my own discipline, it's not an easy task, I know that it will never be. I just hope all the suffering is worth it in the end. I wish that in some time in the future, I can be the man I had hoped to be. 

Day 5: Electron

Let me tell you a story about my classmate who is a walking garbage truck. "She" was smart one enough to be called as one of the best, but her attitude really bothers me. I mean sometimes she does it directly at me and there are times that when she deals with her problems, rather than facing them like a matured person she simply rants it in our room. I don't have an idea if she does it for attention, ego, or just spreading the negativity. What's the point if the people around you feels the same hatred as you are? Having an outlet is great but if your purpose is also to make the people around you feel the same anger, there is something wrong with you.

When you are angry at someone, I think it's only fair that you hate that someone's action and not his or her overall personality or even his or her overall part of being a human being. Everyone has flaws and every one has their own burden. So why do you assume that every person walking around is out there to get you? A person can make mistakes, yes, but to hit them personally and give them low blows is out of the equation. It's plainly wrong. 

Maybe it's the curse of ego, maybe the moment that a person doesn't praise you or kiss your ass is the moment you get infuriated. I just hate it, ruining someone's name just because they have different point of view from you. Hate a sinner but to degrade and infiltrate someone's life just because you have different views is plain out wrong.

Funny thing is how every rant ends with "I'm not affected" after a series of mud throwing and name dirtying. you claim that you are in fact not affected. You violated the person's issues and conflicts, shamed them in front of your colleagues and did everything to humiliate a person. It's funny that the people who can hurt the most are the most defensive ones. They make everything about themselves and that's it. 

I measure a person's intelligence by how they cope with people and reason out. A person who can merely memorize notes are now worthy of respect. That's the bad thing about the school honor system, they feed the children's ego that one point some of them assumes that they possess greater minds than their instructors. I respect the teachers but I'll discuss those some other time. 

Some lines are not meant to be crossed and one should learn their limits. It's not everyday that you are on top. If karma does not sleep, one day the people you loathe are the ones who can only help you and you need to make a step. Just hope that when the day you come and decides to take a step back, you haven't burned too many bridges.

Day 4: Dentists

I've never been fond of dentists since childhood. One time a dentist forcefully extracted my tooth that I never want to see one for two years. I don't feel like they're forces of evil, maybe when we feel pain or wanted to express something we usually use our mouths and when dentists does their work, it becomes impossible. I am also an avid fan of eating so when those dentists does their dirty work, they are eliminating me from the one thing I love.It's just I don't understand the constant fear of dentists, maybe it's just me.

It's the sounds, right guys? I mean when other doctors inspect you you can simply close your eyes, look away and bite something. But when a dentist does it, even when you only went for cleaning, you can hear the device scraping your tooth for cavities. Even the hose for God's sake it hisses the entire time and you can actually hear the instruments clanging up in your mouth. Another thing can be that you that actually the procedure going on and it's pretty impossible to ignore things.

But in the end we need dentists to help use secure our dental health and to be fair they have a lonely job since they just stay in one place with one or two people waiting for patients. I have nothing against them since I've outgrown my fear of them, maybe it's just a phase that we will fear something what's good for us.

Day 3: Preferences

We recently came back from a Christmas vacation. We shared stories of how the holidays went and I got a conversation with this classmate of mine,Fair skinned, short haired and large eyes, anyway she got back with her ex and decided to intrigue my own love life. I'll give you a bit of a background check, I once fell on love with my best friend and actually waited for her for four years. That's all you need to know. Back on track, me and this classmate on mine also talked about having braces. She always wanted one and she heard that I'll be having mine - I was wearing a mask that day so that thought that I already have my braces so they all came at me and started punching my mouth. Not knowing I wore a mask for my allergic rhinitis. She told me that she needed braces so she would appeal more to people and I have the same reason. But one sentence from her shook me.


           She stated that when I have braces maybe the girl who rejected me accept me since I have a chance to look good. But it didn't catch my interest - we we're also talking about how I sent my final good bye to my best friend this past new year. The thought of her being my friend again didn't appeal to me at all. Especially, when she may like me back when the day I'll be handsome - it's insulting, I feel at that moment no one will love me unless I change my overall appearance. I think I speak for most of us when I say that looks are overrated. It Kay seem bias but it's pretty unfair.


            Despite my appearance not being as appealing as others, I'm contented. Why should I feel discriminated for something I didn't get to choose? Maybe insult some of my deeds, I can take them since they are my doing. But to be discriminated for your looks is pretty stupid since your born like that. I don't feel like changing my appearance so that people will love me. One perks of being ugly is that when people love you they love you for who you are. Beautiful people has hard times determining if they are really loved at all or just needed to feed someone's ego. I'd rather be loved for who I am rather than be a display figurine.


         Also , who the heck set the standards that to be beautiful is that you have to be thin. My mother is a great cook and I can pretty much buy my own food so sorry I guess. Unattractive people are also put into things that they never deserve. Being calm and reserved as a beautiful person means that; You are simply quiet or introverted, but when an ugly person does, it's creepy.  Unattractive people are put into shits they didn't ask for. The list of the things that they are disadvantaged is by a mile.

          Back to the conversation, I don't really give a damn if my past best friend even return to my life. I've sent my proper goodbyes and that's it. I believe that we should all learn to love ourselves and stop looking for validation from others. Beauty is a matter of perspective and stop focusing on the things you don't have and hone the things you have.

Day 2- If I Ever Fall In Love Again

If I ever fall in love again

I wish for a person worth it

The one who sees me through

And never leaves me at my worst

May the skies part

For one last time

May her time with me

Be long for eternity

I wish to fall in love with a friend

Who knows me well

May her heart be valuable as gold

And her mind as sharp as knife

I do not wish too much 

For this future lover of mine

I just don't wish things such

Another broken heart inside

May the next person not perfect

Nor the greatest of them all

I only want someone

Who is true to her self

My hands shake as of this moment

Fantasizing a lover I do not know

May she do well as of now

As I will love her more in the future

How sad of a story

To fantasize a person, you never knew

I can only hope the when we meet

It justifies all of my heart breaks

I give little to no damn

To what she would look like

As my knees would go weak

For a girl with strong personality

I do not wish to meet her now

As I am very weak

Another wish I have

Is I meet her when I'm ready

All my life I've tasted rejections

I hope it comes to a conclusion

I hope the first girl I love

Will also be my last

But now I have no time

I have my future to carve

I need to grow more as a person

For u do not see myself as enough

One last note for the girl I seek

I shiver as I speak

I hope you're as much as mess

As I do not feel to rhyme

If I ever fall in love again

May my heart meets its match

May I feel the love

I always feel I deserve

Day 1: Differences

A year ago this jolly new year was the worst day of my life. My father was in Intensive Care Unit for pulmonary failure and my family isn't whole for the first time. It was when I see things falling apart and already knew it was going to be a bad year. But rather than focusing on the past events that happened onwards, I prefer to focus on the differences of this exact date compare to last year.

Last year it was perfect at the beginning. We were preparing to celebrate and go to our grandmother's to celebrate new year. No one saw what was coming. it was 4:30 pm when we were at a town to deliver my mother baked goods. Then my father who was driving the van started coughing violently. At first, we thought he only choked a bit but it got worse. He started to cough harder and he's grasping his chest. He and my mother switched seats and he begged my mom to bring him to a hospital, St. John Hospital to be exact. We were panicking as my harder grasps for breath and he uttered these words that etched in my mind for a long time. "Ma... mamamatay na ata ako" (Hon, I feel like I'm about to die) then my mom went full fast and the furious as we pave our way to the traffic. It was December 31st to make things worst. My mom has always been a careful driver and seeing her drive like that makes my heart wanna jump out. Anyway, thankfully we got to the hospital safe even though I felt like we're about to hit something every five seconds. As we got to park in the front of the hospital. I felt my very first adrenaline moment; I went to my father as he lost consciousness and literally fell on me but the surprise is that he was light as a feather. I could not feel his weight at all as if I was carrying nothing. As I carry him to the wheel chair I saw him as he totally blacked out.

My mom went to park the car and comfort my sisters for the time being. So for the moment it was all on me. I saw the nurses panicking and crying as my father won't respond. His skin is totally purple. my father is a black guy so with him being purple raises an alarm. He wasn't moving at all and his tongue swelled out. Me and the male nurse tried to wake him up, although there was a redeeming moment where I got the chance to slap my father in the face. He wasn't waking up, and the doctors were sure that he is dead. Everything flashes before before me. I didn't know what to react. Then my mother went in the room and got immediately kicked out since the doctors wanted to see if they still could do something. As I comfort my sisters, I  got furious. One doctor is negotiating my mom about the payment and how to pay the bills. In that moment I hated everyone who is money driven. After an hour of waiting and my uncle came to take my sisters to my grandma. My father was announced alive but had to be admitted in an I.C.U. which is not available at St. john's. The nearest would be at Calamba Doctor's Hospital. It's pretty convenient though considering it's near the house and my school.

My mom had to take the van while I get to stay with the ambulance with my father.It was literally the worst ride of my life. I know ambulances are fast but not how they can destroy the person in it. My head bumped numerous time and the equipment's are not strapped at one thing so they pretty much scatter around and hit my face. I was in the same condition as my father by the time we got to the hospital. By that time I was anxiously waiting for my mom to come and random things keep popping into my head. Thankfully, she came and my father went in to the I.C.U. by 7:30pm. We were sitting at the lobby since apparently, they didn't care about the people with the patients. We were on a steel bench that was so hard, even the slightest bump can make you feel pain.  Luckily, there is a family friend who suffers the same but less worse fate than us. So they sympathized with us. I mean what kind of a hospital doesn't have bathrooms near the I.C.U.

Time is slowly fading away as I read the book: "The birthday wish by Joyce Livingston" Then as I get to the climax of the book, I heard fireworks outside. I was 12 noon and 2017 came. I feel nothing. I sat on the floor staring at the clock as my mother fell asleep. A doctor passed by and greeted me happy new year and that wrapped up my 2016 to 2017 transition. Staring into the void.

But today is different. My grandmother and uncles stayed here and we lighted the fire works luces and fountain. By the time 2018 came we were jumping, watching fireworks and making noise. We partied for half an hour and barely noticed. Looking at the fireworks made me realize that a year ago with the same occasion, I was at a different place, with a different mood all alone sitting on the floor. I guess it's funny to think how a single year can make. As of now I'm writing I am really positive of this year.

The lesson to be learned here is that there will come a day that life will throw everything at you, but once you go through that and looked back, you'll see a better version of you. A calm sea never made a great sailor and the fallbacks in our lives are just mold to help us one day. Hopefully I'm right cause it's 3:15 and I need to sleep.