Fight anyway

Some things are out of reach 

Because wanting it more

Does not mean you deserve it

Time does not equate success

And hardwork may not bring anything

Sometimes all the fights

Are to a lost cause

But fight anyway

Crawl the spiky field 

Cross the oceans for people

Because you never know

What is on the other side

Of everything you worked for

Better but not yet happier

I'm not gonna lie

It feels liberating 

The feeling is addicting

So this is what cloud nine

Feels like

As I am free from the feeling

Of holding

To nothing

The hope of you tomorrow

Has finally let go

The sensation is uncomfortable

But I'm better in the least

My bargaining self is let go

But I miss the feeling though

Follow your heart or something

Send me a sign I will not follow

And I will listen to my heart instead

Give me the wisest advise you have

And watch me ignore them altogether

I will rely on your shoulder to cry on

But I would still focus on my instinct

I'd still chase the one I love

And not following your advice

Is nothing personal

Fall in love anyway

It's gonna hurt like hell

Like all the times before

It's going to be unfair

And it may happen all over again

Even with your best care

You might watch another leave

Or just simply disappear

Maybe you just lost track

Of people who can never love you back

If love conquers all

Why is the feeling, defeated?

 If it's meant to raise you up

Then why do you feel down anyway

Those thoughts will continually haunt

And in your heart will place doubt

Then all the cycle may repeat

But even broken hearts beat

So screw the failures of the past

Look back on all the ones you loved

Because even with the presence

Of the wrong person every single time

Love will never be wrong

Love will only be wrong 

the moment you fail in believing it

And you stop loving yourself

Because you think you don't deserve such

Love may not always be in the air

But it may come in due time

Because you deserve love

Regardless of what other people think

Don't rob yourself of that experience

Just because someone mishandled you 

A thousand times before

Who can tell if the thousandth and one

Is the right one?

Longest 7 weeks of my life

It was damn exhausting

Draining and toxic

every moment was a curse

every second is tiring

I lost and lost and lost again

With little wins

Glimpsing in

But for now the storm have passed

I could use a rest

Why bother

It was meant to be difficult

Experiencing it should be tiring

But never to the point of burn out

It was meant to be exhausting

But not draining to the extent

We were meant to sweat

Not to break

No one really listened

Why bother talking?

Painfully clear

If things were tweaked a bit

Would they have worked out?

A single leaf on a tree not falling

Or by some reason I met you sooner

Would time be the difference?
Of the story we have now

If God let me meet you sooner

Would you have love me back?

Or in the future where we're all healed

Better and established than ever

Would you choose me then?
But then again why cling to the what ifs

When everything right now

Is painfully clear

When fate says no

I could wish you in every shooting star

Or anticipate every 1st star of the night

Pray to every god out there

Throw a million coins in all the wishing well

Send to the sky a floating lantern

Blow every birthday cake candle

Pick every eyelash on my cheek

Keep ever loose penny in my pocket

Have a billion lady bugs land on me

Screenshot every 11:11 on my phone

Cross paths with every white horse

Get the larger part of the wishbone

Blow every single dandelions

Put up every single horshoe on my door

And chase every single rainbow

But when fate has decided

That you are not for me

These wishing methods are in vain

I just hope that there is a universe out there

Where you love me back

I just needed a win

It sucks, these past few weeks 

Nothing really came my way

I'm sleepless and tired

The things to do never end

Tasks to be finished 

Is too much to be honest

It's draining and too much

We're not machines

We have things to ponder on too

But somehow

We have to revolve our live around this

Because some shit needs to be finished

Little victories could be of help

But there are days

Where the water will be too cold

The noises will be too loud

Your computer just won't start

And what you want is already taken

A little wiin is all I want

Is that too much to ask?
Fate said yes apparently

I'd love you best as a memory

Things did not work out

As fate did not weave itself

In the pattern I wish it would

The final output 

Did not paint a picture of us

But the laughter and jokes

Sleepless night recollecting

What ifs and stories

Were the best times I had

In this helhole we experience

But we need to move forward

In different paths in life

What we wanted was not meant to be

And we were set to fail from the start

To move forward in life

Means removing you from sight

You are not in the future

In which I have in mind

But the past with you

Are the ones I will cherish the most

I'm not sorry for not wanting to write about you anymore

The dream of someone to write for

Is something I always chased

And for the many times I tried

Are the many times I failed

When you waltz into my life

I kind of wished you would be the one

Who I would never get tired of writing for

In the question of which came first?

The dream of you or you?

Dream came storming in years ago

Maybe that is why I often mistake true love

For the feeling itself

How many time have I fallen for the feeling

And failed in every disastrous way?

So yeah I'm done apologizing

For how I felt in that time

For wanting something so benign

Yet taken from my hand forcefully

Amidst the sea of words about you

I forgot how I would define myself

I defined love like walking on a dark alley

Getting stabbed nine times

And hoping I will not get stabbed by ten

I failed in many things 

I swear back then I wouldn't

But since I did

I traced them all back 

And they all lead to you

So I am not sorry for not wanting

To write about you anymore

Because it's time for my chapter to be written

With or without romance subplot in the middle

 *credits to Sabrina Benaim of Button Poetry for the title

I miss you, but I don't wish you here

I miss the long night talks

And corniest of jokes

I missed the shoulder to cry on

And the hope to carry on

I miss the stars in your eyes

And how they shine 

like christmas lights

That shines all year long

I miss the non sensical talks

That somehow makes our day

I miss the pet names and call signs

Random calls and voice chats

The slow smile forming on my face

Everytime I see your chat head pops up

I miss the daydream of our future

And how this will be the past

That we will look upon

I miss the things related to you

But I don't wish to see you

Or feel the breathe of yours again

I don't want your late night calls

Or random chats anymore

I don't want you chat head

Popping on my facebook

I don't want any notifications

Pertaining to you

But I really miss

What we had back then

But it doesn't mean

I want you back again

*credits to Sabrina Benaim of Button Poetry for the title

Puzzles

You would flinch

In the thought of me

Always looking away

From the direction I am

Love swept under the rug

Then I trip over and over again

I never understood the puzzle you are

But you are the puzzle I can't give up on

It will take time for these scars to heal

And time to time I would poke these

Just for me to feel something again

It was never about you

It's just looking at you

Gave me a certain feeling

And to be honest

until now

I like that certain feeling

That certain someone

I just want that feeling again

To have butterflies in my stomach 

To feel my smile curving

In no possible reason at all

Except the fact that

Someone crossed my mind again

Oh to feel that again

To be happy that you can barely contain

And you wish to spread it with everyone

Jumping with glee

And feeling the your hands shaking

Where you don't mind friends

Shutting you down

Because you're happy 

And everything feels right

Then I hope someday 

That certain someone

Actually tells me

That she loves me back

But in short glances

And abrupt conversations

I could barely contain myself

Someday that certain someone

May look at me

And smile at the sight of me

I hope my manifestations lead to her

I wish to make that certain someone happy

The same way she makes me happy now

Plus one

Love made me feel something 

That for once I was working

Toward something amazing

Something that I would build for years

And would not abruptly end in tears

I hoped that the last one liked

Would finally like me back

That in the myriad of rejections

I would finally get my acceptance

But love me as I expected

And the cycle of grief repeated

I did not work toward something amazing

I just lost the hope I kept on holding

It end it wails and tears

And she did not like me back

In the myriad of rejection I have

I only got a plus one

Toward tomorrow

Behind the laughter and the jokes

It stings a bit

It still aches and throbs

Still I question my worth

Or whatever I'm lacking

Is it the features I have not

Or traits that I am not aware of

Is it because I laugh too hard

Maybe I'm just not enough

Then with a help ofa few people

They made me realize

That it's not always you

Some people just need their space

And work on themselves

Eureka kicks in 

And I have my answer finally

Even if we got together

I'm not a fixer to begin with

People need to work on 

If I can't make her happy

What's the point

This is the kind of thing 

Where waiting for the right time 

Just mean waiting forever

I'm glad I took that leap

No one caught me 

But the bump in the head

Really helped a lot

I watched her fall in love with you

I watched her fall in love with you

In the manner to me, she never could

Never have I seen her eyes sparkle

Till you walked in her life 

Your jokes were met with laughter of grace

While mine, I have to explain

Fate is truly viscious and cruel

But is an effective tutor

As you have in the palm of your hand

Something I wish I had

She asked you to kiss her

I begged her to talk to me

We are not the same

I am not steps behind

As I am not in your equal footing

I wish she looked at me like that

Even for once but that is too much

I remember the time of my childhood

I saw a sand sculpture at the beach

And another ice sculpture

On the television at home

I was fascinated 

My fascination lasted

More than those works of art

From there I got my passion 

For things that will last for a few moments

Maybe that is I tend to pin on women

Who will never love me back

 Well it is my fault

For my definition of love

Is going to a crappy restaurant

With bad food a thousand times

Hoping that it would be good

In the thousandth and one

But now I watch her fall in love with you

Courage is all I could muster

Then I realized in those days

Where I hoped and starved for love

It was not her responsibility

To love me back

She does not owe

Not anyone in this world

Mine will come in due time

As I let go of my one sided romance

With no bitterness in my heart

And happiness for your part

I'm glad that I am watching

How she fell in love with you

"It hurt, I remember looking at her hurt"

It hurts, I know

Thinking, looking at her hurts

Like a stake to the heart

The piercing sensation never leaves

You lost her on a thursday

Now every thursday hurts

Cupid used you for target practice

And the cupid in the city

Is a terrible shot

You hated writing 

Every words makes no sense for you

But you love writing for her anyway

You stinkin masochist

But you have to realize

That in the seven billion people and growing

Departing of one would not be the end of it

I'm not saying she's worth less

I'm saying you're worth more

A platonic I love you

I'd probably never date you

Or have a marriage in mind

I might have never seen you in that light

But I would very much love

To keep you forever by my side

To show me that not only 

Beautiful things can be worthy of love

Made me realize 

That not all needs to be romanticized

To find my soulmate at this stage

Who'd be the godmother of my children

Is something that I really appreciate

As my romantic pursuits have failed and gone

You always support me in that aspect

Despite my success rate close to zero

No one really believed at me much

So it's really nice someone came along

A love letter to friends

I lived long enough

For enough people to disappoint me

Many claimed they can read me like a book

Then they put me inside the shelf

When the sentence gets boring

Or too much for them to handle

Growing up I was taught that God loves everyone

But for some reason his love didn't extend to all

So I could not feel it back then

Convincing me that he loves me less

But then the tides of fate changed

I met these great and amazing people

And for the first time in my life

I have someone besides my shadow

Who follows me without a question

Not because they are tied to me

They just enjoy my company 

And I enjoy theirs

I have seen the worst and best

And I want both

There are places and people

Who will love you only upon meeting

And some who will love you upon knowing

How much to my shock

That they could have the same address

It never meant anything

If you check the pages of her book

You would see me in a sentence

If you hear her melody

I was barely in a note

In her life of a movie

I was as passerby 

In her canvas of memories

I was the blue speck in the corner

Ask her a hundred people she like

My name comes as an afterthought

Dig inside her brain

I would be nowhere to be found

Check every smile she ever had

And I was the reason for none

And if you dust her heart for fingerprints

You would never find mine

(credits to Rudy Franciso for the last line)

The idea of someone

I fell in love with an idea of someone

And it sucked when I know them

they do not fill the shell I create

Rather they break it at the moment we met

Looking back it was my fault

To love someone I barely knew

How my idea of romance crumbled 

When I got to know the person

How shameful I now feel 

To fall in love on a myth

Reality kicked in

And she is not the same as my dreams

Kung ikaw ang habang buhay

Kung ikaw ang habang buhay

Bakit ang paglisan mo'y tila'y masagana

At mistulang nabunutan ako ng tinik

Akala ko ako'y tatamlay
Ngunit ang mga araw ko'y mas masagana

At sa kinabukasan ako'y

Kung ikaw ang habang buhay

Bakit ang dapat na sakin masakit

Ay tila nakapagpapalaya

Sa aking minsang nararamdaman

Na wala naman talagang pinatunguhan

At sa pag luwag ng aking kapit

Ay ramdam ko ang aking ligaya

Kung ikaw talaga ang habang buhay

Bakit sa panahon na ika'y lumisan

Lumuwag ang aking paghinga

Kung talaga tayo pang matagalan

Bakit nung umalis ka ganito ako kasaya?

Fight more

The storm have passed

But we are left to pick up the pieces

We fight with the strength left

Hopefully take the bigger picture

No for today

My anxiety build up on me

No creative words for today`

Fight

Hope the next few days be kind

As they are the toughest I'll have

I will claw my way through this

And I will pass these challenge

And finally erase my burden

I will walk away not unscathed

But with blood, tears and scares open

But I will raise my fist to victory

Two years too quick

Time did not heal everything

Only lessened the pain less

Deep inside I feel the bleeding

Roaring, won't calm to caress 

Space that became vacant

Still weeps for its resident

Burden and time lost

Four of us still mourn

How greater a tragedy to lose him early

How I miss him so dearly

The vastness of the world

Look at your feet and how it plants on the ground

Then look at the sky and wonder in the infinite

God made the world too large for our liking

But it feels small in every moment of alone

World population is continually expanding

But somehow most of us feels the most alone

Everyone remains distant despite our rising numbers

In this vast world in thousands of kilometers

Maybe that is why deep inside

We search for that single person

Who we will need no distance from

Breaking my illusions

How greater of a tragedy I felt 

When it was the idea I fell

And not the person I want

Because I never really knew her

In terms that you should know someone

Enough to fall for them

So what I am, is a shell of false hope

A creator of illusions

Stuck in the daydream I have

But in the time I let this go

I do not weep tears of sorrow

Rather relief of the let go

As my illusions never helped

Only prolonged the pain I have

But as I slowly pull the thorn

I live in relief of my tomorrow

Win.

There I feel the world on my shoulders

As the pressure crawls inside my skin

All the preparation for this moment

Crumbling at my feet

I made it this far anyway

Might as well fight till the end

It's not gonna be a pretty fight

But it's a fight I will ensure my win

A tad scared

We are all a little bit scared

And some are more than willing to adit

With some hesitating to say it

But in this life, we are really scared

being so small in a universe so big

Every minor detail being bigger than you

Things that will come your way

How we lament the admittance of fear

But even I am a little bit scared

Of the unknown wonders of the world

Or what will fate bring me next

Terrifying really

If it all comes later

Had my woes come later

Would my pain be lighter?

Would the stick struck in my chest

Feel like a little more I can take at best?

Is the agony of waiting help?
Or it only maked the pain dive deeper

Would I curse myself less if ever

I experience this pain much later

because it came to me ina vulnerable time

I cried back then, I weep right now

Ghosts of then still haunt me back

As I succumb 

To the pain I though I just had

Everyone have their dues

How cruel it is to be stuck

In an own void of illusions

Where lies of yours become reality

And you feel like you can still deceive

And even moreso how cruel it is

For people around you, to have you

As you are a walking curse of a person

Whose existence could derail reason

The lying self you create

Will soon crumble at your feet

As cruel it is for the wheel of fate

You will face what you truly hate

Then suffer for all you did

So enjoy, enjoy rejoice today

And tomorrow tears will flood

As the laughter and lies you collected

Will crash down on you, in a moment