day

Well this day was great atleast

Ugh.

This is getting really annoying.

beat

I'm kind beat up today, so yeah

No time for what ifs

I hope things work out sooner compare than yesterday, reaping the results are not as fun when years already passed like the magic already disappeared and the will has already left. There is no use salvaging a romance that died years ago, without both people knowing that there was one to begin with. The What ifs are too late and reality already knocked. You can only move on, from the time that could have.

Falling out

Growing up, I have always been fond of the idea of romance. I always wanted one to be honest and I'd be lying if I said that I didn't give it a chase. None of those chases worked out and for quite some time, I hated it and it filled my insecurities, always wondering if I ever was worth it or whatever the hell is wrong with me. But it turns out maybe it is not my time for something because loving oneself is the essential part of offering yourself and through the years of seeing my friends and peers get brokenhearted it made me realize I dodged a bullet, a barrage of them to be exact, and it is not of something to be rushed because people change their mind in any course of relationship. What seems sweet and cute at first becomes annoying and unbearable after. The thing with annoyance is that it is not a flower that needs watering to grow, it is a weed that will slowly crawl into your mind and you wake up one day you don't like the person who you thought you will love forever. This could also happen in vice versa where they wake up one day realizing they just like you but not love you anymore. You hope to stay and salvage what can be salvaged but more often than not sparks do not return, lost love is the worst kind of love there is because it is never coming back but the what ifs will haunt you forever.

You will soon wake up one day realizing that the one who put the stars on your eyes, is the reason for your darkest days and you have to live with that. Because people change for better or worse and change is truly the only permanent thing in this world.

Bothered

The past few days keep bothering me because the idea of romance once pops into my head. It is something I chased for so long but now I cannot grasp the basics of it; even a simple confession feels like I'm doing it for the very first time once again. When in the past I have admitted and been rejected and accepted it to some degree. But somehow this one is different. The type of person I never want to let go in any sense of the word or any form of relationship. I really like her though

Motivation

 I really have no motivation for now I need sleep or rest.

Beyond

I guess what we fear is not the act itself but what goes beyond it. Like how the dark isn't scary, you're scared of what's in it. Heights are not so scary, you just have the possibility of dying when you fall. Beyond those things are what we do not expect and those we cannot take control and it applies to love in ever conceivable way especially when you fell for someone so dear and close to you.

Work

 I should be working...

Expected

 Things went better than expected.

Finished

Just finished a videogame I long to play, I feel empty

Just jump

I'm about to take the leap on something that usually fails. Wish me luck

Distract

In all the crisis the world that needs to be solving, they chose to distract rather than solve.

Reality

Everything I thought far away from reality is coming true, I could get used to this.

Sparks

The spark is there and never disappeared but sooner or later a confirmation is to be made. Also, my purchase tomorrow would be the last big one and I would try to save money.

Nap

I like naps, they're awesome

Invest

Good things do come around and the legitimate ones return back. I guess investing in the best people you know is not too bad after all.

Snap

Sometimes things and acts should be called out for the sake of stopping them because silent treatments don't work anymore. You call out before you snap and hell break loose because there is only so much that you can tolerate. You hope things work out in the end because living with the same bullshit everyday is not making me adapt to it, I'm not being numb, I'm just very pissed.

Wait.

For all the things we wait, may all of them be worth it

hehe

Oh the conflict of having some but not enough.

Video games

The thing with video games is that it escapes reality for a moment and offers the option to restart if possible. I hope we have that option still

Knock

Just when you thought things are over, opportunities comes knocking in your door, well who can say no anyway.

Well... in time

And all you desire you can have in due time. Threads of fate would go untangled, with every sew closing in your dreams. Then reap everything you sacrificed for and take all the things you desire. Because waiting has done its due, you act, and act to make your dreams come true.

Child

Nothing is wrong in the eyes of a child, as he or she could never lie. All the things in the world, to their eyes, is always right. That is why when they are hurting it is true and when it is sincere when they miss you. That is why you could never hate one, no matter what they do. 

Conflicted

Sometimes a person has done so many two faced deeds that it's difficult to find any legitimacy or consistency in what he or she do. One moment they act nicely and the second they do not anymore. It's really hard when you really have that anger still seeping in and you cannot do anything about it. You just hope you forgive yourself enough that you felt certain ways and hope things will get better because sometimes your hate of others is just a projection of yourself. It's just really difficult to have conflicted feelings on the people you love. Changing them is one thing but then again, if the recipient don't want to, what can you do?

The dreadful cycle

How hard is it to talk and process what you are thinking? Okay, it's really difficult. But the people around you should not remain the recipient of every outburst you have. They are human beings too struggling in their own right and even if you hold superiority above them whether by age, position or wealth you have no right to make these people your emotional punching bags. It's really exhausting when the cycle never really ends and we're just justifying the things we know that are wrong but we do anyways because we're hurting. You cannot push everyone away just because you're hurting and the same can be said when you project these things to people who only wishes you well.

It's getting exhausting and the cycle never really ends. But when our generation take over, choose kindness everytime.

Valid

I think it should be valid that even to those we love so much, there are things we hate to the extent that we should call out every time until change is observed. Because what we tolerate can make others explode and to those we love, we don't one people bursting on them. 

I don't know, I'm tired

Nothing changed much

I got what I wanted but I feel anxious in times to where if I could perform it with the right mind and resources, I guess even if you do something a thousand times there is still that constant fear that may fail in the 1001st. After this week all the doubt will disappear and I would do and fare better.

Time time time

I always feel like I'm running out of time despite having more hours or even days to do so. It's frustrating and helpful but it bothers me a lot sometimes.

marathon

 It's a really nice day today and the office is great

A new year indeed

The new year came off as very odd as the day leading to it was not very good. Past year was rough and there is no sugar coating it. Silver linings were observed but the with the volcanoes and storm ravaging the lands, it's hard to see. It was a very confusing time, and rock bottom to some may it seem but who knows? After rock bottom the only way is up and you could never go wrong with that. Hope and chances are the things you get that doesn't come unwanted. Maybe the idea of romance is too far fetched for me as of the moment but who knows what tomorrow may bring, what this year could bring. 

It will be struggle, as everyday usually is but let's just hope for the best. Hoping to get the things I want and wish for and get all the chances I could get in my life. The dark days passed and whatever may pass and come will not leave us crying.