Day 274 of 366: Close

The last day of September 

I hope things end well

Everything is sorted

Fine as it ends

Then October arrives

Christmas is close

I hope what I'm dreaming of

Is close

Day 273 of 366: Claw

I hope whatever happened 

Was all worth it

And from here on out

We'll be better

And they improve

Because it was really rough

Really tough 

I don't know how I did

Claw out of that hell

But I did it anyways

And now gold is in sight

Day 272 of 366: Happy

I'm happy today

More than I anticipated 

And my only wish

Is to be happier 

Than today 

Day 271 of 366: Dearly

Slowly I'm losing

Grip of this

But good things happen

So I'll hold still 

Maybe when the time

Is right for me

I'll have what I desire 

Then hold it dearly

Day 270 of 366: Save

I hope it makes me happy

As much as I hope it would

I hope it makes my heart full

Just like the ones before

Then I'll be content 

On everything I have

And I will start to save

For the future 

Day 269 of 366: Prayers

Closely marching in

To the dream I have

Just the sheer anticipation 

Is what I crave for 

And to have that thing soon

Is something I desire

I wonder how I would hold

It in my hands

And all I ask when I already have

What I always want

Is that it doesn't crumble on my hands

And I pray and pray to never mishandle

What I was always wishing for

Day 268 of 366: Needles

It doesn't hurt as much today 

And I hope it stays that way

But I should do things

To make sure it sit still

Day 267 of 366: PC

One day I will go home

With my PC all set up

Aircon just turned on

Pristine looking keyboard 

In a room that's cold

Then I will turn on a game

And relax the night way

Day 266 of 366: 100 days away

A hundred days from now

We'll be in the final day

Of this year

I wonder who we are

And where we are by then

Am I happier?

Do things get better?

I wonder what happens

Hopefully it's for the better

Day 265 of 366: Crumble

I am in distraught 

And I feel the world crumbling 

My feet are aching and shoulders tired 

Chest as if pierced 

And breathe losing slowly 

I wish to change

I wish to run

I wish to cry

But if I did 

A lot crumbles as well

Day 264 of 366: Happy Birthday Tatay

Hindi ko lubusan nauwaan

Ano ang takbo ng iyong isipan

Kung bakit mas pinili isakripisyo

Ang lakas at kalusugan

Ngayong mas kailangan

Ka namin dito

Iba ang presensya

Na merong isang ama

Yung alam mong may sasandalan

Sa anumang sakuna

Nawala ang haligi ng tahanan

Sapagkat sa kanyang pananaw

Mas mabuti siyang pumanaw 

Imbis na lumaban

O kaya marahil pagod na rin siya

Sa dami ng kanyang pinagdaanan

Pero isa lang ang nasa aking isipan

Iba pa rin ang may amang natatakbuhan

Dahil hinahanap ko pa rin ang iyong papuri

Sa bawat tagumpay na nakakamit

Ngunit wala ka na talaga

Ikaw dapat ibininili 

Ng mga nais mong gamit

Nakakahinayang lang 

Na maaga ka nawala

Pero salamat na rin

At sa maigsi nating pagsasama

Ikaw ay tunay nag pakaama

Maligayang kaarawan tatay

Sisenta'y Dos ka sana ngayong araw

Day 263 of 366: All over the place

I wish it was easier

It healing faster

Little to endure 

Quick to recuperate 

Still lucky in aspects

Where I think I'll be doomed 

Maybe life and mindset

Both improved 

Things that didn't go well

Doesn't bother much

It's all over the place 

But isn't everything is 

Day 262 of 366: Power through

Still in pain

Still succumbing

Right foot discomfort 

Wincing every step

Sweating bullets

But things need to be done

Work should be finished 

The world ain't stopping

Because of my feelings

Anxious still

But I power through 

Because the hope in me

Is stronger than

The fear of what 

May not even happen

Day 261 of 366: Merrell Shoes

If we only knew back then 

That it was the last

I would've bought it

With my little cash

But I was a child

With nothing much

So what can I do 

But watch him fawn

Over those shoes

But now with what I have 

And what I earned

I could buy those damn shoes 

Three times over

I could even add

A cap and a shirt

Heck, I'd even buy a donut

Just for the kicks

But all the money I have 

I had, or will have

Will never send you back

I could buy those shoes now

But the wearer is nowhere in sight

So what's the point of it?

Day 260 of 366: Better

I wish it gets better 

And never I will 

Be in the same situation 

As this ever again

Because the devil does 

Strike the mind 

Of the bored ones

I'll pick myself up

Do better next time

And hopefully when it all heals

I'll feel much better

Day 259 of 366: Cycles

It's tiring really

To do things over again

And expect things to change

The cycle continues 

Because the actors remain the same

Desperate ensues

And no end in sight 

Are we to suffer over and over again

Bounded by fate

Of which we could have broken

But remains to stay the same

Day 258 of 366: Sponge

I am not meant to absorb

And take everything

All the whining 

Is getting tiring

It's exhausting to the core

As if nothing good happens

You did things to yourself

And then feel sorry

When the consequences arrive

Complaining about everything 

Every little insignificant thing

It's getting exhausting 

To be at the end of the message

Like why

Should I be burdened 

By everything 

That wasn't even my fault

It's frustrating 

Even now that I'm hurting

I guess it's selfish 

To think this way

Because I pulled myself

Out of that mentality 

But then again

Why am I being punished 

By the sins of others

Day 257 of 366: Return

Maybe it keeps coming back

Because you did nothing

In the time between 

Then and now

Maybe it's still painful

Because you never thought 

It would come back

You thought you were fine

Until you were aching again 

And until you actually do something 

It will always return

Day 256 of 366: Rainy Days

We all thought 

It was all okay

And nothing bad

Will ever happen

But it happened

All over again 

And the help we have

Is far out of reach

And now what do we do

Where do we run

When we antagonized 

Every person there is

If you all only goddamned listen

It wouldn't be this bad

Day 255 of 366: I forgot

Uhm maybe I skipped a day

Not knowing what to do

Maybe I'm overwhelmed 

With the shit around 

And maybe it's frightening 

To feel this way

But maybe it's fine

To be this way

Day 254 of 366: Know

My body is reacting 

To the disturbances I'm feeling

I feel like breaking out

And I'm constantly exhausted 

It's a sickening feeling

I struggle to cope 

Maybe I am burdened 

More than I know

Day 253 of 366: Long Ago

I guess the cycle never breaks

Because no one acknowledged 

That there is one to begin with 

It was so damn normalised 

That nobody thinks 

There was something wrong 

And now everything exploding 

Right into our faces

We look at each other

Wondering where it all went wrong

And we realized 

It was decades ago

Day 252 of 366: Stop

It's fun and all

Things were talked about

But I'm tired of thinking

Of the worse things that may happen

I wish to live in better times

Where mind

Is not my worst enemy

I wish it all to stop

Day 251 of 366: Takot

Sa di pangkaraniwang pagkakataon

Ako ay nakaranas nang kakaibang sitwasyon

Tila nanginig sa takot na marahil mangyari

Nanginginig sa mga naiisip

Na posibilidad sa bawat yugto

Tila hindi nakahinga

Bawat kasu kasuan iniinda

Ano ang mangyayari kaya

Sa sunod na mga araw

May mang yayari kayang masama

O kaya wala lang

Natatakot ako, sobrang natatakot

Day 250 of 366: Hangganan

Mga desisyon ngayo'y bumabalik

Lumang sugat na muling sumasakit

Maga nakalipas na desisyon

Mga natapos na aksyon

Ngayo'y pinagbabayaran ng leksyon

Kung sana'y nakinig

Nung una pa lamang

Hindi na sana humantong

Sa ganitong pagkakataon

Kung respeto sana ang nanaig

Wala sana ngayong iniisip

Ngunit hindi ganoon ang nangyare

Ilang beses napabigyan pa bale

Kaya tila nakampante

Sa pagsabog ng emosyon

Sari sari na ang reaksyon

Sana'y maayos at may magbago

Sana manatili kung may magbabago

Dahil kung wala man

Atin na lang tandaan

Na lahat ng tao sa mundo

Ay may hangganan

Day 249 of 366: Decades

I guess it'll never change 

Because no one wants to

Pitying oneself 

So much it's cringe 

You cannot feel sorry

For yourself so much

And still be proud

As if you bothered no one

Disappointing really

That the cycle goes

Never ending it seems

Even still

I was a child 

Day 248 of 366: Out

Maybe it'll never change

Because no one wanted to

The sense if entitlement 

Remains seeping through 

As if they should be catered 

Til the end of time

But now it's all out

Patience was lost 

They can only grieve

Day 247 of 366: Outside

It was bound to happen

The signs were there

I simply accept 

What is given

What is already there

Maybe I asked too much

Or very little of myself 

Maybe next time I won't 

Expect too much 

From things

Outside my control 

Day 246 of 366: Rainy mornings

It drips everywhere it seems 

Harshly, the wind blowing

And with all the rain

Clothes are stained

The cold is shivering

And the weather is arguing

Jeepneys are stranded

Streets are flooded

The sky remains dimmed

Even in this early morning

My pants are wet

So are my bags

My shoes are safe

Until for now

All of this happened

And I'm still in the terminal 

And it's not even 7am

Day 245 of 366: Mundane

It was uneventful it seems

But maybe the mundane

Is something to embrace 

Once in a while

The calm sea for once

Night sky with stars

A day that just passed

Is something to love

Even for one moment in time