It's not them, it's you

The thing about trauma is that people have longed move on before you could even process what happened. They have forgotten what they have done, but you are still trying to process your own emotions for that matter. You cannot distinguish anger from embarrassment or even to grief. Gaslighted you will be, if you keep opening it up because to them, it's nothing, you simply brush it off. But it eats you, those words they said are forever engraved in your mind while they live their entire lives unscathed.

I never really understood why some people translate abuse as love language. No, it did not make anyone of us stronger we're just insecure idiots who keep masking them with arrogance. Some were even lucky to mask it because some never really recover from the damage it does, it is all visible and no matter how good willed the people around you are, they cannot help if those voices still try to seep in your mind. The world is cruel enough for bullying to start at home. You're not training anyone to become stronger, you are projecting your own trauma to a person who cannot fend for himself and you want them to think they owe you, they don't.

That is why some people struggle even up to their twenties discerning what love is to what not love is. They were abused in any shape or form ,may it be verbal or physical, making them struggle to discern what genuine love is. Then an asshole comes and sweeps you off your feet because they showed you the slightest bit of affection. But please, if you are not capable of genuine love, don't involve other people into it or even have the audacity to bring a child into this world. 

Abuse did not make you stronger or wiser as the boomers insist. The fact that you are more than willing to hurt someone who is incapable of fighting back means that there is something wrong with you.