“What would you do on the last day of your life?” It’s a
basic question that is easy to answer but shrouded with complexity. I mean who
in the world would ever know if it’s his or her last day on earth? Even the
healthiest man can get killed in a moment by an unforeseen accident, a sick
person has no idea how long he or she will fight, and only a person in death
rows (excluding Japan) has an idea on when will they die. But living in the Philippines
eliminates the death row possibility and I’m not a criminal for God’s sake.
So now hear me out, I’m in a dark room right now with
only a candle for a source of light bargaining with death for how long he’ll let me live.
Death looks nothing from the stereotype that the living imposes in him. It’s
funny how we have a stereotype with death and we won’t even meet him until the
day we die. He is somewhat 6’2 and he is carrying a sword not a sickle. He’s
not a talking skeleton but he resembles you, being yourself as a conscience.
According to him he has no actual look so he resembles the person he is in
charge with. I can only imagine how shocked if a person who died has a living
identical twin. Anyway, back to the bargaining part, I keep asking for a year
more but he can only give me a month. So
in the end we agreed that I live for a day more. We came to the agreement that
the only reason he let me live for a day is that to correct and reconcile with
the people I’ve wronged along the way, which for me is pretty unfair since he
gave the congressman before me another decade. We shook hands and I went back
to the world of living.
I woke up in a hospital bed at exactly 7:00 am. This is
where my countdown begins. The hospital room was white as milk, and I saw my mother
asleep in the couch. She’s pretty old now and she’s been trying to hold on ever
since my father died. I could only imagine how heartbreaking it is for her to
lose her son. So, my first hour in my return is that I wrote a 5,000 word essay
as a goodbye for my beloved mother and I talked to her about my one day stay.
How I wished I would only embrace her for my last moments, but I’m about to break
her heart for the last time. For there are people I would try to reconcile for
the last time. My mother has always been the tough one so she understood. We
went home and she cooked me a meal for the last time. I left the house with a
kiss on her forehead and she looked over at our balcony while reading my final
essay.
The second person I went back to is my older sister,
Katherine. We met halfway while I’m going to her workplace. She hugged me
immediately and told me that mom told her about everything. She asked me to go
with her at a local park, I agreed. We reminisce the days when we both play at
this play ground. The swings slide, and monkey bars that did not stood well
with the test of time. But still it is everything to us. I only have one
thought while sightseeing with my sister and I softly whisper to her: “I’m
sorry I cannot attend your wedding.” She broke down in tears and we sat at the
nearby local bench. She whispered “The wedding’s off” and to my utter disbelief
I couldn’t say anything. The words are trapped inside my mouth. “It turns out
he has been cheating on me for quite a while now and I’ve caught him just this week;
I don’t wanna tell you guys since mother would be furious and considering you
just recovered from an accident but knowing your current condition I guess you
deserve the truth.” I was mad. But at the back of my mind it’s my fault since I
worked too hard that I couldn’t support my sole sibling along the way.
I was
so terrified of living an impoverished life that I let someone so dear to me to
wander alone. I wish I could’ve guided her, I wish oh I wish. I want to make it
up to her but she refused. She only wishes his happiness. We bought ice cream
afterwards. Her ex was the least of our concerns since she wants to enjoy our
last moments together. I want to go to her ex and punch him in the face but I
guess my sister won’t like that. I asked her to go home, to mom and speak to
her and then she hugged me and left.
I was strolling around the street when suddenly a
familiar face by the mall appeared. Kate, my former best friend was with her
family. Her husband shook my hand and took the children. Kate agreed to have a
little chat with me. My heart was pounding, she was as beautiful as the day I
met her. Brown eyes, long black hair although her skinny frame became plump considering
that she aged; but she aged like fine wine. “So how are you? Still sweaty as
ever huh?” as she offer me a drink. I was so nervous that my hands were
fidgeting even as of this moment. But I answered as I gulped: “Haha, still
observant as always Kate.” I could only imagine how my life would be if I were
more true to myself. I’ve loved this girl ever since I laid my eyes upon her;
while I’m drowning in my what if’s she moved near me. “Something bothering you?”
she asked. “Yes” I answer as she had her follow up question: “What is it?” I
punched my leg and closed my eyes as I tell her “I’ve loved you since day one
and I fully regret to this day that I haven’t done something about it.”
I breathed easier when I’ve finally told her my
suppressed feeling for so long. She looked shocked but calmed for a minute. “I’ve
loved you too, but please emphasize the past tense; it was in college 4th
year. I want to confess but I’ve seen you so driven by your ambition that I don’t
want to be a hindrance. But at one point of my life, I’ve loved you.” Her words
were like knives stabbed to my heart, I felt every negative emotion possible
for a human being then I felt nothing. I looked at her full of regrets, I
sighed and whispered softly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know, I didn’t wanna
disappoint everyone who expects so much from me. I could’ve given you this, a
family. I’m sorry” As a tear fell down my cheek. She wrote something on a
napkin and held it in my hand, as she bid her farewell. I couldn’t stop hating
myself. She ran back to her husband and I left the mall with a heavy heart.
Before I knew it was already 3pm and I saw a man wearing
a goofy outfit along with a guy in a tux: Jaime and Charles. Charles was the
one in tux and Jaime was wearing the goofy one. They immediately invited me to a
local diner and had a good time. They had remarks on how I never hang out with
them ever since highschool graduation. We were buddies through thick and thin
yet I’ve forgotten about them ever since college. We are more matured compare back to the old days.
Both of them were married, far from the careless and play first attitude back
then. But seeing them today gives me an atmosphere of difference. I shouldn’t
have left them. Maybe I should’ve learned to value the people around me especially
my friends. They deserved better, from
my lame excuses to my last minute bail outs, they deserve better. I was so busy
living my life not realizing that my friends were living theirs to. I just hate
it how two of the few people who valued me was let down by me up to this
moment. And you know what make me feel the guilt? They still love me despite
all of that, I’ve let them down multiple times and they still care about me. I’ll
die thinking about that.
All this time that I’m drowning in my thoughts Charles
and Jaime kept staring at me. Then they laughed, while laughing they gave me a
box which contains a watch. The blue watch they gave me was the one I’ve been
dreaming of owning for quite some time. We we’re at SM then when I saw this
exact blue watch, but I was too poor to buy it back then. I promised to go back
but it slipped my mind. I was moved that these two people I’ve disregarded for
so long, never skipped a thought of me. I was crying and they were taking
pictures of me, saying that they’ll post it. We were chatting up all night
until the diner closed. My phone rang, it was an unknown number. I showed it to
Charles and told me it was Lyla. I hang up but she texted Charles to bring me
in the abandoned circus. I was hesitant but before I knew it I was in the car
and about to meet Lyla.
She was standing there, my oldest friend. She was pale
and thin, she did not age well but the beauty of her youth still remains. I sat
beside her while the two drove away. It was already 11pm, it was quiet the
whole time but Lyla broke the silence. “Remember this place? It’s where you
promised to marry me when we were eleven years old.” I was in disbelief as I
scan the place, her face was smiling but she was holding back her tears. “I
remember, haha how times change Lyla, I still remember you as a loud girl who keeps
annoying me during classes” As I try to cheer the mood. “I held on to that you
jerk, I thought you we’re gonna marry me and now you’re dying you still didn’t
fulfill that promise.” “Surprised? Your mom told me, I just want to tell you I
love you for the last time” I didn’t know what to say but more likely I didn’t know
what to react. I simply kissed her hand and after that. Then we chatted the
whole night of how our life would be if ended up together. It’s like we have
everything figured out. Everything was perfect for a moment. Our heartbeats were
synchronizing and it was 6am.
At 6am Charles and Jaime offered a ride home along with
Lyka. It was time. We got home immediately and saw my mother looking at the
balcony. She is crying as I ran to her. My sister and Kate are here too. My mom
gave me a last meal before I go and everyone was crying. Every person in this
room were a part of my life that I once took for granted, it will be my eternal
regret for not loving them enough. It was time and I was in my mothers’
embrace. I’m in the arms of who gave me birth and now shall hold my lifeless body.
I saw death and he stabbed me as he took my soul out of my body once more. Everyone
was crying as I see my father waiting up there for me I bid my farewell.
I’m in heaven right now arguing with death once more. He
asked if I want to go to heaven of be reincarnated, he isn’t really sure what
am I going to be reincarnated as. Also, hell doesn’t exist in the afterlife; it’s
just something they say for people to be good. You’ll have the reincarnation
option so you can truly go in heaven. Having this option of heaven or
reincarnation makes me really confused. But I still have my regrets so maybe I’ll
reincarnate but also I’m too lazy so I’ll go to heaven. I’m still undecided as of now and there are
5,750 people behind me.
